Happy

I have to get something off my mind.  

Some of you may find this very hard to believe and some of you may be nodding your head agreeing really loudly as I tell you this.  I'm probably the most pessimistic person you'll ever meet.  I honestly try so hard every day to see the good, the great, the amazing things that are happening in my life. I don't know why it's so hard for me... 
I'm so exhausted feeling this way.  

There have been some tears lately as I'm trying to figure 'me' out. Somedays I make it WAY worse and somedays I feel happy just being me, not relying on anybody or anything.  It's really hard for me to just be me.  I don't like to do ANYTHING by myself...which I highly blame on being a twin.  Maybe that's partly why I don't really know myself.  I've always had someone by my side. I didn't need to be just 'me'...it was always 'us'   

Anyways, I'm starting my journey of happiness. I want to be happy, adventurous, out going and shout from the roof tops.  

I'm not ready to shout anything today...but I was walking down the hall the other day and one of our para professionals (who is 83 years old) stopped me and told me I looked beautiful, so alive, and happy.  I almost gave her a hug.  It was like she knew I needed to hear those words.  With my eyes watering as I continued to walk I realized that I was happy. My students had walked down the hallway perfectly and it smelled like rain outside.  

It truly is the little things...