Change

If you know me well you know I hate change. 

 It makes me anxious.  

It makes me uncomfortable. 

 It makes me sad. 

 Yesterday Martin had to say goodbye to his beloved BMW.  I didn't even get to say goodbye.  I know it's just a car and it wasn't even my car, but these things make me sad.  When I sold my car I thought I would get to say goodbye.  My dad and I walked out of the dealership, I was on cloud nine.  Then I noticed my car was gone.  Where had they taken it? What if it thought I had abandoned it?  Would it go to a good home?  Me, my sister, and her boyfriend, Bobby, have this strange disorder where we think inanimate objects have feelings.  It's weird I know. 

Then there's saying goodbye to my apartment.  This was the first place where I lived on my own. Where I grew up a bit. Where I started my life with my new husband. I love our new apartment, but I'm sad to leave the familiar. 

This is my house. Was my house. It's the house I grew up in. My sister and I still can't drive by it when we come home. It's too hard and too sad. Kate stole a bunch of things from our house to remind her of what was...a doorknob, wallpaper, a piece of the bush from the backyard. 

I always wonder why some people go through life not flinching at the site of change while for some of us it is a huge process every time something looks, feels, or smells different.  I wish I could be brave and look change in the face with courage. 

I'll try. 

I'll be strong and not look back...maybe