Preparing

At my midwife appointment last week I finally opened up about my fears and worries of giving birth. My midwife told me in her calm and motherly way that most pregnant women have many fears and worries and one of the best things we can do is talk openly about them.  She recommended the book Birthing From Within for me to read so that I might prepare a little more for my labor. 

I love what the author wrote when she said, "...Women have to prepare for birth in their heart and soul, not their head. Giving birth is something a women does in her body, not in her head."  I know that so many women out there don't believe in birthing naturally, I even had someone tell me that C-sections are for sophisticated women.  I wish every woman understood that our bodies are made to bring our babies into this world.  But we can't go into labor blindly. We need to prepare ourselves for the pain. Prepare ourselves for any unplanned situations. We have to go back to trusting our most basic instincts. 

 Pregnant women need those around them to lift them up emotionally and spiritually and emphasize the importance of this new experience they are about to have.  We should be connecting as mothers to those around us. I don't think enough credit is given to women for such an extraordinary feat as giving birth.  It truly is amazing and it makes me sad to think that some women aren't celebrated, encouraged, and told those four important words, "You can do it."

I know there can't be one right way to have a baby...there are millions of women in this world, each listening to the rhythm of her own body, each finding the way that works for her. And I know I have never given birth before, but I feel like this is my own rite of passage into motherhood and I need to enter this new world of becoming a mother without any preconceived notions of what is the "right way" to do it. I want to give birth only in the way that is right for my baby and I at that moment.  

I know there is still much I don't know and won't know until meeting my daughter is only hours away. But there are two things that I do know about giving birth that I can focus on for now. 

It's hard work.  

I can do this.   

A Yellow Face Lift

Since finding out that we were pregnant, Martin and I have worked really hard to save money where we can.  Babies are expensive, but there are ways to save.  I scoured Craigslist and found a perfectly good Jenny Lind changing table for $35 (originally $100). I always pictured a changing table just like this one and even though it was a little scuffed, I knew a fresh coat of paint would spruce it right up.  

Our little girl will be sharing our one bedroom with us so I wanted to choose a color that would work well with our bedroom colors. Yellow is such a cheerful color, don't you think? 

 We headed over to my sister's this morning to use her backyard for our project.  I learned quickly that my lovely husband is better at teaching our nephew how to drum on the paint can than he is at actually painting.  But he learned fast ;) 

 I can't wait to lay my little girl on this happy little table  as she looks up at me while I sing songs and put on one of her tiny little outfits.  It's nice to have things for our baby that are unique and done especially for her. Sometimes I get swept away with looking at pictures of amazing and intricate nurseries. Then I take a look at our tiny bedroom and feel bad that she can't have her own space filled with cute little things. But I guess what's really important is that she has all the necessities. That she is safe, happy, and loved.  

Those things we can definitely give her a plethora of. 

Pink

I told Martin I needed to pick out a new shade of nail polish to celebrate the end of the school year.  He didn't understand.  I remember when we were little and my mom would let us pick something special out at the drug store when we were celebrating a special occasion, like not crying when we got our yearly shots at the doctors. I'd say surviving this school year allows me to pick out every shade of nail polish in the store...but I settled on neon pink.  

The past two days have been so relaxing. My pace is much slower these days, but it's felt good cleaning the apartment and slowly getting things ready for the little one.  My feet are enjoying my afternoon naps and I think my ankles are starting to make an appearance again. 

8 Months

It's hard to believe that I'm already 8 months pregnant. I remember filling in my planner with each week of pregnancy starting with the week we found out, 3 weeks...33 weeks seemed so far away.  It would be the last week of school and I kept trying to imagine how I would be feeling.  Probably very tired, swollen ankles and probably very ready to be done with school.  I imagined right :) 

I have two more days of school left and about a million things to do before I turn in my keys.  I don't want to think about school anymore. I feel like this time before her arrival is so precious and I'm losing this precious time recording test scores and organizing my classroom for next year.  I want to start preparing for her, getting her things ready.  I want to get my mind ready for this incredible journey that we're about to take because most days I don't feel ready.   

I feel like my emotions have been running wild these past few weeks. Every time I think of holding our tiny baby in my arms my eyes fill with tears. Every time I think about the responsibility of bringing a tiny baby into this world, my eyes fill with tears. All the things still left to do.  All the things I won't know how to do until she actually comes.  Praying that Martin and I will be the best parents we know how to be for our daughter. 

I know everything will work out because it always seems to. I know that if the changing table doesn't get painted that life will go on. I feel like I'm preparing for a test that I can't truly prepare for and that makes me feel like I'm failing. 

I'm ready to start the most important summer job I've ever had...becoming a mother.  I think once our baby girl makes her appearance into this world safely I will feel at ease.  I know most things will come naturally and the things that don't, well, we will just have to learn them together.  

A Beach Affair to Remember

We arrived late Friday afternoon to the island. It was humid, green, and made us feel like we were really on vacation.  All thoughts of Colorado were left behind us.  Not a single thought about school and all the testing and deadlines ahead of me. I breathed in the muggy air and felt relaxed for the first time in months. I think our baby girl could feel it too...I wonder if she liked the sound of the waves?

I hadn't see my twin sister since December and she was in awe at how much my belly had grown. We see each other on Skype almost every day, but now she could finally feel her little niece kicking away. 

We spent the days before the wedding walking along the shell covered beach, wading out into the shallow ocean where dolphins swam only hundreds of feet away. Sanibel Island is a magical place.

By Saturday all of the family had arrived.  We celebrated at a tiny Italian restaurant on the island.  And while the wine flowed and the homemade pasta was enjoyed, two families began to merge into one. 

Sunday was the day we had been anticipating for almost a year.  We surveyed our sunburned skin and hoped the wedding photographer would be able to photoshop it out.  My sister and I got up early with the sun rise and rolled her hair into curlers, whispering and laughing while Martin snoozed away on the foldout couch.  
Finally it was her wedding day.  

 

At six o'clock we made our way to the beach.  There were lots of beach spectators awaiting to catch a glimpse of the bride...people had even come out from their hotel rooms and waited on their balconies. I knew that would make my sister even more nervous.  The simplicity of the beach was the only decorations needed and as we faced the waves crashing to the shore the music started. 

  

I love weddings.  I love standing next to my husband and thinking about the vows the bride and groom are saying to each other.  Remembering our own vows and how sacred and special our own marriage is. 

There was dancing and dinner under the bright orange super moon that we watched rise out of the ocean.  I felt like I was in a vintage Florida postcard with The Girl from Ipanema playing in the background.  


 When it was time to say goodnight my sister and I hugged for a long time. I tried not to cry, knowing I would see her again in June. I told her that she looked so beautiful and that everything had been perfect...because it truly had been. 

I Can't Wait

I can't wait to see your face, your little fingers, feel your soft skin

I can't wait to put you against my chest and smell your baby smell

I can't wait to hear your tiny cry

I can't wait to see your daddy hold you for the first time

I can't wait to see if your eyes are blue or brown or what color your hair is

I can't wait to take you on your first walk...so you can feel the warm sun and smell the summer air around you 

I can't wait to dress you in your newly washed tiny pink clothes

I can't wait to feel like it is Christmas morning every day, knowing I get to wake up and see you sleeping next to our bed

I can't wait to show you the world and all the beautiful things in it

I can't wait to give you kisses on your baby toes and tell you how much I love you

Less than two months until we meet you...I can't wait