Today I counted over fifteen lizards. I spent most of my day on the screened in porch, which doesn't do a very good job of keeping lizards out. It was just me and my thoughts. I've spent the last week with my true self, no makeup, no shoes, not caring what my clothes look like. It feels so liberating. I love feeling the cool tile on the bottoms of my feet and putting my hair up without even looking once in the mirror. I have no where to go and nothing urgent to do.
Every morning I wake up with the sun and head to the pool.
I love tilting my head back in the water when all I can hear is the beating of my heart. I feel lonely for just a minute and then remember soon enough I'll be surrounded by people all day with a million things to do. I can't help but feel so small looking up at the sky...and my thoughts begin to wander.
Lately I've been thinking about me. I love the way I've felt this week...consuming my mind with more important things rather than concerns about what I see on the outside. I want to go back to the time in my life when I wasn't so concerned with these things...my hair, makeup and clothes. I remember the exact moment when all that changed for me. It was the time in my life when I was just learning who I really was. I wish I could go back and change that...tell myself that none of it matters.
For now though, I'm enjoying this side of myself...this old side of myself that I've missed. When you spend all day with yourself you forget how you're supposed to act and you start acting like who you are meant to be. It's funny when you don't have the daily distractions around you how much more right the world feels. This is how it should always feel.
I have three more days here. This time that I've had has been such a blessing...I know that not many people can just take off for two weeks to think and have a mental vacation. I feel like I've been able to reconnect with myself again...and I'm ready to keep hold of that for longer this time.