Friday, June 10, 2011

Brave Face

I didn't think I would document this past week...but this is the place where I document my life and if for no one else but myself, I want to be able to look back and see that I was brave...even if it was for a moment.

This week has been an emotional roller coaster...not necessarily a bad scary roller coaster, but a roller coaster non the less.  A friend of mine told me last week about a kindergarten job opening at her school and I was immediately hooked!  The thought of something new...different sounded exciting. It's not that I don't love my school because I do. But, I needed to decide quickly, like 24 hours quickly, and so I did. I decided to be brave, to apply and just see what would happen.  I was so glad to be home last weekend, my dad helped me write my resume, my mom gave me the pep talks I needed. 

On Monday I got the call I was hoping for. I had gotten an interview, out of almost 100 applicants they wanted to talk to me, plus my friend is a good persuader :)
The day leading up to my interview was filled with every single emotion.  I went back and forth a million times on whether or not this was a good idea.  I cried, I was excited, I was scared...would I be throwing away everything I've worked for at my school?  All the opportunities I've been given? If I didn't try would I always wonder what if?
But I knew in my heart I at least needed to try.  I truly believe that things that are meant to be will be.  If I didn't get the job, then that was okay.  If it was right for right now then that's what would happen, and I would be okay with either outcome. 
In the end the job went to someone else.  I have my brave face on and can tell you that it's okay.  
It wasn't meant to be. 

If you've been reading along with me for a while you know that I've struggled with trying to figure out where I'm supposed to be...trying to understand why I'm where I am. I thought for a moment that maybe the universe was telling me where I needed to go next.  Or maybe it's telling me that where I am now is where I'm supposed to be and I need to accept that. 
Maybe I'm meant to be a big city girl after all...maybe wanting to live or work somewhere that reminds me of home isn't what I'm supposed to do.  
Maybe I'm supposed to keep being brave and pushing myself out of my comfort zone.  But I don't like doing that all the time, because it's hard.  I'm still learning so much about who I am and what I'm capable of.  Last year I would never have been able to try something so brave.  

I'm glad I tried. I'm glad I was brave. I don't regret it for a moment. 


  1. I can not tell you how much this post touched me. While I'm in a different situation than you, I'm trying to not only figure out where I an supposed to be in teaching, but also how to get a position in that niche with the crazy economy. I like thinking about it your way...I'm brave for interviewing, for taking a chance. I'm very much of the mentality that if I don't get it, it wasn't meant to be. It doesn't always make it easier to know that someone was picked over me.

    What hit me was what you said about here, now being where you're supposed to be. Maybe for me too. Even though in my heart, I know I could be happier, but who knows what I can learn or opportunities arise if I just am where I am.

    Congrats on being brave and having such a positive outlook :)

  2. Kristin I hope you're able to find exactly what you're looking for too! I know the perfect teaching job is out there for you...even if you have to take a leap of faith to get there!

  3. I'm not sure if this really applies, but today I saw a sign that said, "Remember the rainbows and not the thunderstorms." Just think on all the good things around you, how brave you were and that someday another opportunity will come your way when the time is right. But for today, just think rainbows. XXOO

  4. Hi There! I'm a new subscriber and am loving your blog! You're words are beautiful and so are you!

    Kudos for taking a leap. That is so brave of you. I have been teaching for 6 years now and in this "crazy economy" (like Kristin said in her comment) I struggle to find where I belong. I was in my niche in 1st grade and was sadly pink slipped 3 times and finally moved against my will to a self-contained High School reading intervention class. It was a year of hell for me. This jaded me and is pushing me to quit teaching all together. I'm thinking of a career change and am struggling with being brave. It's hard to step out of your comfort bubble. I love reading posts like this because it reminds me that I CAN be strong as well. I'm sorry it didn't work out but I truly appreciate you sharing :)

  5. Hi Joanna! Oh my gosh, I can't even imagine what you've been through! I truly hope that you are able to find your niche again! 1st grade to high school? What a leap!! I hope you don't quit teaching, but I also hope you are able to find a job that you love.

  6. Take heart in your challenges. Nothing has changed. You are still Jessica. You are a wonder and delight. You still have a wonderful school and job and a wonderful outlook on life. We would have missed you terribly.
    Bub and Jill

  7. Bub and Jill thank you for your kind words--I would have missed you terribly too Jill!