Brave Face

I didn't think I would document this past week...but this is the place where I document my life and if for no one else but myself, I want to be able to look back and see that I was brave...even if it was for a moment.

This week has been an emotional roller coaster...not necessarily a bad scary roller coaster, but a roller coaster non the less.  A friend of mine told me last week about a kindergarten job opening at her school and I was immediately hooked!  The thought of something new...different sounded exciting. It's not that I don't love my school because I do. But, I needed to decide quickly, like 24 hours quickly, and so I did. I decided to be brave, to apply and just see what would happen.  I was so glad to be home last weekend, my dad helped me write my resume, my mom gave me the pep talks I needed. 

On Monday I got the call I was hoping for. I had gotten an interview, out of almost 100 applicants they wanted to talk to me, plus my friend is a good persuader :)

The day leading up to my interview was filled with every single emotion.  I went back and forth a million times on whether or not this was a good idea.  I cried, I was excited, I was scared...would I be throwing away everything I've worked for at my school?  All the opportunities I've been given? If I didn't try would I always wonder what if?

But I knew in my heart I at least needed to try.  I truly believe that things that are meant to be will be.  If I didn't get the job, then that was okay.  If it was right for right now then that's what would happen, and I would be okay with either outcome. 

In the end the job went to someone else.  I have my brave face on and can tell you that it's okay.  

It wasn't meant to be. 

If you've been reading along with me for a while you know that I've struggled with trying to figure out where I'm supposed to be...trying to understand why I'm where I am. I thought for a moment that maybe the universe was telling me where I needed to go next.  Or maybe it's telling me that where I am now is where I'm supposed to be and I need to accept that. 

Maybe I'm meant to be a big city girl after all...maybe wanting to live or work somewhere that reminds me of home isn't what I'm supposed to do.  

Maybe I'm supposed to keep being brave and pushing myself out of my comfort zone.  But I don't like doing that all the time, because it's hard.  I'm still learning so much about who I am and what I'm capable of.  Last year I would never have been able to try something so brave.  

I'm glad I tried. I'm glad I was brave. I don't regret it for a moment.