Thinking

Oh no.

It's started again.

I'm thinking.

Where do I want this life of mine to take me?

What do I want to accomplish?

Where do i want to be?

I blame it on Martin.

His life is changing right now and maybe I want something in my life to be changing too.

He is finally doing what he's always dreamed of...cooking, venturing off to Europe, more cooking. 

When he gets back from his European adventure, it will be time for him to find a job. Times are tough out there, there's no doubt about that.  But if we stay where it is safe, will we miss out on life, on where we are supposed to be?? Is this our chance to do something crazy? Adventurous? Break away from the ordinary and just go for it? 

I've been a homebody my entire life, my family can vouch for that. 

I feel comfortable at home.  But there has been an undeniable stirring inside of me that where we go next might just become my "home"

I blame it on my twin sister.

She is far away in Florida.

Most days I want to be there, with her.

I don't care if I have to live on a park bench as long as I can see her everyday. Do I want to take a risk and move to be near her? What if the Florida humidity makes my hair even more frizzy?

I blame it on feeling like anywhere is better than here right now.

Why do I feel this way? I'm so fortunate and blessed and lucky. But I don't want to pretend anymore. Even if it takes five more years, I want to work towards going where Martin and I can make a home for ourselves.  Where we both can walk outside and say, "Ahhh, it's beautiful here and this is where we are supposed to be."