Everdeen's hair is growing very very slowly, but it is as cute and curly as can be. I can't tell you how many people will comment about her hair and then end with, "Oh, she's really going to hate her hair when she's older!" Knowing what it's like to have hair that you have to straighten everyday if you want it to resemble any of today's hottest styles, I always laughed and agreed. "I know! We always want what we don't have!"
Thinking back on those conversations makes me cringe after seeing this commercial. Leave it to Dove to make me cry over a silly commercial, but the message sunk in hard. What is Everdeen going to think when she sees her mama straightening her hair everyday...that I don't appreciate and love what I have and that she shouldn't either. I don't want my daughter to not love her curls and I don't want her to ever think that the hair she has been blessed with isn't good enough. When did society decide that what we were born with wasn't acceptable? I will never have beautiful flowing mermaid hair and that has to be okay! So I made a decision that most days my hair will be worn a la natural.
I walked into school yesterday feeling very uncomfortable...feeling my stupid anxiety creep up and my insecurities overpowering my brain. "I should have just straightened my hair...I look like a lion." Everyone was gong to stare and comment. Finally in my classroom, alone, I pulled myself together and took a deep breath. I was being ridiculous. I never ever wanted Everdeen to feel this way. I need to learn to love myself so that my daughter will learn to love herself.
There were lots of comments yesterday and they were all so complimentary...except for one. As I opened the door to let my students in one of the little boys screamed, "WOA! Did you stick your finger in the electrical socket?!" Let's just say he got a very stern warning about manners... I wore my hair natural again today and I barely even thought about it...and you know what? It felt good to be me and to be okay with me. I feel like I am working on so many things in my life right now and maybe this 'thing' feels not so significant...maybe even a little vain, but every bit of me that I can accept will allow me to accept the whole me. Plus, it took me half the time to do my hair this morning which is a humongous win.