first snow

There is nothing more magical than the season's first snow.  We woke up to a soft blanket of white this morning.  I walked into Everdeen's dark room and whispered to her that the snow bears had come.  "It snowing?"  she asked over and over.   She squealed when I held her up to the window and we watched the quiet world together.  
Soon we will be sick of the cold and snow, but for today, it is full of wonderment...especially through the eyes of a tiny two year old.

a day off

Today was such a gift.  A day off. I woke up this morning to Everdeen giving me a little kiss on my forehead as she pulled the covers up over my shoulders. It was exactly what I needed, and pretty much the sweetest thing I've ever seen ;)

This week has been hard...parent teacher conferences.  They went really well, but I left last night, at 8:30, feeling a heavy pressure in my chest.  I had just spent two days talking to over twenty families and listening to every little concern, ache, emotion. Divorce, losing their home, losing their job, chemotherapy. Sometimes it's just too much.  I have parents sitting their with hopelessness in their tear filled eyes.  Hoping, just hoping I have an answer for them. Sometimes I do, and sometimes all I can do is hand them a tissue and tell them I'm so sorry...that I hope everything will be okay.  And I can reassure them over and over that I will continue to be a constant support and strive to help their child anyway I can.  

Being a teacher can be so emotionally draining.  

Sometimes I don't know how I can do this job for the next 20 some years...sometimes I feel like teaching is getting harder and harder each year with so many more demands from the state, district, and parents.  Working in a cubicle begins to sound like the best idea ever. But then I have those moments where I truly have a magical experience with my class and they make me laugh and we have such a great day together and I think,  maybe I can do this for twenty more years...

I wish it wasn't such a roller coaster feeling.  I think I needed today to just be.  Let my mind settle, let the heavy feeling start to lift away.  It's not completely gone, but today helped. Martin and I got to spend some much needed time together and we even got to go out on a lunch date :) We walked through old town enjoying the warm sun and the smell of sun burnt leaves.  We both wished we could be whisked away on a vacation somewhere far away...away from all the noise of the media and everyday pressures. 

Instead, we picked up Everdeen early from daycare and soaked in her joy and happiness. I seriously don't think that little girl could be any sweeter.  When we saw her on the playground she ran into my arms and as I swept her up she said, "Mama so so happy?" 

Nothing in this world could make me more happier :)

life lately

a day with mama at the park

because avocados can be eaten like apples right?

these colors!

tiny hands holding tiny leaves

always checking out the little neighborhood library box...

playdates at Nana's house

seriously...these colors

Enjoying afternoon walks after school and of course crunching through big leaf piles

eating entire cartons of blackberries while wearing cherry raincoats equals total bliss :)

{40/52}

"a portrait of my daughter, once a week, every week, in 2014."

Everdeen Kate: Even though we were both feeling under the weather this weekend we were still able to enjoy the beautiful fall days. After all, warm sun, cool breezes, and crunchy leaves can make anyone feel better.   

 Linking up with Jodi :)

I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils

This morning something in the air had changed. I went downstairs to open the curtains and let in the cold dark air.  It took me back to one of those ordinary fall mornings when I was little, except it's not ordinary. There's something magical about the changing of the seasons.  A hint of dampness...fresh and crisp.

I've survived my first two weeks back to school. I'm loving teaching fourth grade again, but like with anything new I'm trying to keep my head above the water while I figure it all out.  I've been breathing, thinking and dreaming school everyday. It's always an adjustment for my husband and for me. Any spouse of a teacher knows that the first month of school overtakes just about every aspect of life. But soon things will calm down again and there will be a normal rhythm to life. I leave most mornings while my family is still peacefully sleeping and my heart always aches a little when I have to say goodbye to Everdeen. 

We still always have dinner together as a family and still love to go on our evening walks. We ask Everdeen about her days at her little school. "Everdeen has own school, mama has own school!" She says every time I pick her up. I can't believe how much her language has developed in the past few weeks.  I love listening to her try to sing the ABC song or Wheels on the Bus.  

Life is good.  It seems like the seasons change just as we begin to long for a freshness and the start of something new. It's nice how it works that way :)

Take Ten

I remember the first Christmas Martin and I were married.  I was so excited to send out Christmas cards...to sign them as Mr. and Mrs. Wolfe.  We got all dressed up and wrangled the cat into the picture.  He immediately hated us for doing so and sulked the rest of the afternoon.

This year wasn't much different if I do say so myself...but instead of a sulky cat we had a feisty one year old who would rather be exploring what's under the leaf piles then holding still for a picture.  

Sometimes the outtakes are my favorite :)

Fall

I can't believe how fast October has flown by and how little time I've had to document our everyday life here on the blog.  School continues to be so busy for me as I'm still learning a new district and school, but I am really truly happy where I am this year and am so so thankful.  And when I'm not teaching, I've been really working on growing my little photography business.  

I've been catching up with my old co-workers these past few weeks...who I miss dearly...and several of them have asked me the same question.  "What do you think it is that's made you so much happier this year?" I have to admit that the past few years had been an incredible struggle for me.  And it hasn't been until we made our big move home that I've realized just how unhappy I really was. 

 I feel so at peace where we are now.  I take deep breaths of fresh air as I leave for work in the morning and it just smells like my childhood. It's the leaves...the piles of leaves and their familiar fall smell. And when I walk into my school it feels like my old elementary school and I remember my teachers and how I loved school and I feel happy again. I'm finding my place in this new community and it feels good. For me, being in a place that feels safe and comforting is my happiness.  I'm not sure why I could never make Denver my home...why I felt so incredibly uncomfortable there.  That's me though. I am a homebody through and through. 

I feel like these past few months have allowed me to find myself again. I left myself here ten years ago when I went off to college and we are finally reunited again. 

Hello me...I've missed you. 

And at the same time I am reinventing myself as I've joined a new school.  You start at the bottom again and work hard to prove yourself and show those around you that you were really something else at your old school. It all takes time and for once I don't feel a sense of urgency.  I have time.  I want to grow and learn here, make my mark here. 

It's been a beautiful fall.  The mornings are cool and crisp and afternoons are warm.  Yesterday we woke up to snow and a thick fog covered the ground. It was so eerily beautiful as the bright orange and yellow leaves were magnified against the hazy background. I sat in my car for a few minutes before walking into school. A few minutes of serenity before heading into more wild and excited school days.  "MRS. WOLFE? DID YOU KNOW THAT TOMORROW IS HALLOWEEEEEEN?????" :) 

Today we celebrated Halloween as only an elementary school can do :) We had a big school wide costume parade and a class party...smoking cauldron filled with punch and cupcakes that will dye your mouth bright green for centuries.  Everdeen pranced around in her cow costume and was as cute as could be!

Now we are heading into November (my birthday month!).  This year is flying by oh so fast, but I think that's what happens when your heart is happy.

Happy Fall friends!

an extended weekend

We had three glorious days together.  The extra day off from work was exactly what I needed...especially after two 12 hour conference days with parents. 

I love when Everdeen and I can have some time alone together.  When I can finally feel like a mama...where my sole responsibility is taking care of her.  I realized this weekend that it was exactly a year ago that I cried my way back to school after my maternity leave.  I'll admit that it has gotten a little easier, but oh man.  Somedays it feels like my heart is literally breaking as I say goodbye to my little girl.  Somedays I feel resentful and angry that I'm spending eight hours a day with other people's children when my own baby needs me.  Somedays it just feels so unfair.  But then there are the days where I get up out of bed and it doesn't hurt as much and I can kiss her goodbye without my eyes filling with tears.  I'd say I'm making progress :)

We woke up Friday morning to our first real snowfall of the season. The bright leaves were still poking through the blanket of snow and by late afternoon the snow had begun to melt. 

We slept in a little later than normal and Everdeen peeked out the door to see what the snow bears had brought last night :)

We ventured off to the library and got a new card for our neighborhood library and toddled in and out of the stacks until we got hungry for lunch.  We spent the rest of the day napping, playing, and doing some much needed chores around the house. It felt so good to finally get caught up on some things.  

On Saturday, we enjoyed hanging out at the coffee shop with Nana and some good friends and then waited anxiously for Martin to get home from work so we could head off to a little pumpkin patch at the local nursery. They had a toddler corn maze, petting zoo, and we got to take Everdeen on her first hayride.  

 And that brings us to today...a cold and rainy autumn day. We snuggled inside most of the day, being silly, and laying on the warm laundry fresh from the dryer.  We headed outside for a little walk before dinner to finally get some fresh air.  Everdeen found some puddles and thought it was awfully fun to have leaves thrown at her.  My little family just makes my heart melt.