We're still waiting for our little girl to make her appearance.
I feel like the last few days have been so trying on my emotions, my attitude, and my body. Having an entire day of progressive contractions only to wake up in the morning feeling nothing again feels like you've been defeated. I was feeling so sure she would come early...I guess that's why so many tell you to throw out all set plans you have when you are pregnant :)
The past three weeks, especially, have been filled with so much anticipation and excitement, everyday wondering if our little miracle will be here soon. As the days have ticked passed her due date, I feel like I've lost some of my excitement. Each day that passes and doesn't bring with it our little girl makes me feel frustrated wondering what I'm doing wrong. In the back of my mind I'm really fearing induction...I know her birth is inevitable, but somehow each day is feeling like a lifetime.
Today we decided to try acupuncture. My sister took me to the appointment and stayed with me while the little needles were placed into each pressure point. The acupuncturist began by asking if there might be any worries, fears, or concerns that I had that might be slowing my labor. I feel like I've tried my hardest to put on a brave face and in all reality most days I do feel brave. I told her, with my eyes filling with tears, that I'm afraid of how things will change when the baby arrives. Each night as my husband and I go for our walks, I hold his hand a little tighter knowing that soon it won't just be the two of us. The us we've known for the past 10 years is about to change forever. And of course there is the fear of giving birth...of the pain--being in an unfamiliar place, wanting to know that our baby will be born healthy and strong.
The acupuncturist had me think of my fears and release them.
I laid in the dimly lit room for a long time with the sound of birds chirping and waves crashing. My sister and I talked quietly and my body began to relax. She helped me come up with a plan for the things that I could control and helped me realize that the things I can't control will be okay as well.
Soon I felt my contractions start up again.
I came home, made some raspberry leaf tea, hung some twinkle lights in our bedroom, and put on my favorite music. I realized that my mind had been cleansed and I need to keep it that way. No more negative distractions...no more negative energy that my little girl can undoubtedly feel.
The evening rain began falling in heavy sheets and I opened the windows, welcoming the cool breeze. I really do feel relaxed. I feel like the things I was worried about before don't feel so big right now. I'm focused on the end result...holding my little girl against my chest for the first time.