Learning To Love A New Body

My body is changing...and quickly.

Every mirror, or any piece of reflective glass for that matter, that I walk by I stop and stare. Is that really me? I think I walked into the bathroom 20 times yesterday just to look in the mirror at my belly. Yup, still there.

I was telling Martin the other day that when I was a little girl I used to pretend what it would be like to have a pregnant belly.  I would stuff shirts or pillows under my shirt and couldn't wait for the day when it would be real. And now it is. My stomach is growing bigger and rounder and it's pretty nice that it isn't lumpy like it had been with t-shirts stuffed under there. 

It doesn't feel like my body anymore. I guess it technically isn't my body anymore. My body's main purpose right now is to grow our little one and I'm just along for the ride. It's so strange to watch something change without your control. I think most of pregnancy is giving up control...which can be really hard. Everyday is different. Everyday brings new challenges, new things I've never experienced before.  There seems to be one more thing I can't stomach or one more piece of clothing that doesn't fit. As I folded the laundry this weekend I looked longingly at my jeans and wondered if I would ever wear them again.

Of course I will. I told them they were getting a vacation, but I would be back...so don't go and get too used to the back of the dresser.

I remember when I was around other pregnant women and they would be lamenting about their changing bodies.  My first reaction was one of judgement. How could they say those things? Of course your body is going to get bigger you're having a BABY! But now being one of those pregnant women I know exactly what they were saying. 

Nobody wants their body to necessarily get bigger and we all know how important our body's role is right now. But sometimes it's okay to sigh and remember when it didn't take 45 minutes to get dressed in the morning and sometimes it's okay to be a little grumpy that we are now wearing pants that are about as attractive as elastic waisted sweatpants on a ninety year old man. 

It doesn't mean we didn't hope and wish for this experience. It doesn't mean we don't have days where we are in love with our bellies and our more curvy waists. 

After all, what better way to be reminded of our tiny little baby than by taking one quick glance down. It's a pretty amazing reminder.