Of Course You Need 3 Halloween Costumes

I think Halloween just got fun again :)

Happy Halloween Friends!

One Year Ago Today...

Our lives were changed forever by two pink lines.

{November 2011}

It's funny how this week has brought back so many feelings and memories. The day I found out I was pregnant was just as life changing as the day our daughter was born...a life had been created and the next nine months would be filled with so many emotions while learning about what this new life of ours was going to entail.

 Martin and I hadn't been planning on starting our family for a few years and boy were we surprised.  I don't think I've written about the day we found out because it isn't exactly fairytale material.  You hear stories of husbands spinning their wives around laughing with joy or wives planning special ways to share the news with their spouse. But we were in complete shock and we mostly sat in silence when I shared the news with Martin. Granted, it was almost midnight and Martin had been working an almost 14 hour day at the sushi restaurant, so maybe my timing was a little off. But how can you keep such a monumental secret to yourself? 

We went to bed that night quietly wondering to ourselves what bringing a baby into our lives would mean...were we ready for all of this? How would we make it work? I still felt like we were learning how to be grown ups and now we would be bringing a life into this world that depended completely on us. 

It really took a few weeks for the news to sink in. I knew one day that Martin was finally ready to talk about everything when I came home from school and the dining room table was piled high with baby books from the library.  I smiled to myself and knew that everything was going to be okay, we were going to be okay. And just like that we began planning for the summer when we would meet our baby.  

Now a year later, I am typing this post while Everdeen dozes off next to me in her crib. Life is pretty amazing...giving you the greatest gift of all when you least expect it.

Survival

I have officially survived my first two weeks back to work and though I feel completely and totally overwhelmed by it all, the days tick away fast and soon it is 4:15 and I literally pep step out of those school doors.  It's so different from the past five years where I would be one of the first ones to arrive at school and stay until I was one of the last to leave. I have never been so productive during my eight hours at school...my mom would be so proud of me for using my time wisely :)  

This is how it will be from now on and I'm okay with that. I'll give everything I have to teach my little kindergarteners during the school day, but the moment I'm home it's my time with my family and nothing else matters. 

The Saturday before I returned to work was emotionally draining.  I was bursting into tears over and over again...uncontrollably crying. I took a long hot shower and cried and cried, letting out everything I was feeling, crying until I had no tears left.  I let the hot water run out, climbed into bed, and fell asleep instantly. I truly don't think I have ever felt so sad in my life. I thought Sunday would be more of the same, but I felt a sort of calm wash over me and I was able to enjoy my last day with Everdeen before heading off to work in the early morning.

 {first day back to work}

My school days are filled to the brim with things to do and things to catch up on. I'm learning all about who my students are...it's like the first week of Kindergarten all over again. I think about Everdeen during the quiet and calm moments when the kids are at lunch. I scroll through my e-mail and open the messages from my mom that are filled with pictures of what Everdeen is up to that day with her cousin and I smile. I know she is safe and sound during the week...and although I feel a little twinge of jealousy that it's not me getting to spend the day with her, I'm glad she's in such good hands. 

 {On our way to Nana's in the snow storm}

These past two weeks have been such a growing experience for me. I really thought I wouldn't be able to make it through, but I have. I've survived. I don't know if it will ever get easier, but I do know we will settle into a new routine and I will live for those moments when we snuggle on the couch until dinner time, breathing in sync again, being right where we are supposed to be...together.

An Orange Kind of Day With My Favorite People

It's not fall in Colorado until you head to the mountains to search out the fall colors. Last week we headed up near where Martin and I got married and showed off the beautiful scenery to Everdeen...just like we did last year. Except last year, Everdeen was just a very near dream of the future :) 

Learning Fall Again

I don't think there is anything more magical then seeing everything new again through our baby's eyes.  Fall seems a little more special this year as we experience it with Everdeen for the first time. 

This time of year always makes me feel nostalgic...the smell of crispy leaves drying out in the sunshine brings me back to my childhood.  My twin sister and I would run down the sidewalk crunching leaves beneath our feet, seeing who could of course step on the crunchiest leaf. It's funny how stepping on an extra crunchy leaf can give someone so much pleasure.  And as the days grew shorter and night fell much earlier we would pull out our winter clothes, which would have us perfectly snug for the chilly morning walks to school and sweltering hot on the walk home.  I remember fall days always being such a gamble when it came to getting dressed.  Shorts or pants? I always chose wrong :) And soon it would be Halloween and my sisters and I would each get an amazing handmade Halloween costume made by my mom with enough room to fit a winter jacket underneath...because it wasn't a Colorado Halloween without a blizzard :) 

These past few weeks have been amazing, experiencing beautiful fall days with nothing to do except care for Everdeen. Our days are calm and slow...no stress, no deadlines. I've watched the trees across the street change from the green of summer to a glowing vibrant yellow that only fall can bring.  We've gone from long days of never ending heat to cool crisp days in just a matter of weeks. I actually sometimes don't mind waking up at 3am to feed Everdeen as we snuggle and I kiss her little cold nose...I know she can feel the change in the air too.  And I get excited for when she is older and can crunch leaves under her own feet, wear her winter jacket under her own Halloween costume, and learn how magical it is to see the seasons change before her own eyes. 

But now that it is fall I have to start a new chapter in my life... one that I have honestly been dreading. I'll be joining the thousands of working moms who every day help provide for their families.  Fall always seemed so far away when I was holding my baby for the first time in July.  But now it's here and I am longing for those summer days again when I could spend every waking moment with just me and Everdeen and Martin.  It's hard to have a small taste of what you've always wanted only to know it can't stay that way.  

Since I've become a mom, I keep going back to my own childhood, which was everything I want for my own daughter. I want Everdeen to experience all the things that I did...which I know isn't exactly realistic.  But the thing I keep remembering is how my mom was home with us, caring for us, teaching us, watching us grow up...and my heart aches to be able to do that someday too. 

This fall I will be learning to see things in a new way. I know it won't be like any fall I've had before. I know it's going to be hard and I know there will probably be many many tears. 

But as I began to prepare my mind and my heart for these next months ahead I realized that Everdeen will be able to share in some of what I had growing up...and that's my mom. 

My mom will be watching Everdeen for us during the week and we couldn't be more thankful. Just knowing that my little girl is safe and sound with Nana during the day makes it a little easier to go back to work. I truly believe it takes a village to raise a child...everyone in my family has something special to offer Everdeen that they can only teach her.  And she is one lucky little girl to get to be around her extended family so much. It makes me smile when I think that maybe she can have some of the same special moments that I had growing up. 

So with this last week of maternity leave I'm beginning to find peace within myself and know that this next chapter in my life is just that, a chapter.  And as I learn to see fall again through new eyes things are starting to look a little clearer. 

A footy pajamas kind of day

It's only the 5th day of October and already Denver is seeing its first snow fall. Wednesday was 80 degrees...typical Colorado, boiling hot one day and snow the next.

Everdeen and I have been snuggling under blankets all morning long and haven't even attempted to put on normal clothes...and let's be realistic, we probably won't :)