in one month...

I will be done with my maternity leave. 

How can it be that time already?

It has gone too fast, way too fast...didn't I just have my baby girl? Isn't she still too little to not have her mama around her every day, all day? 

Every time I think about that Monday morning and walking out the door, having to say goodbye to my precious baby girl for the day, my throat becomes tight and my eyes fill with tears. I would do absolutely anything, truly anything in this world to be able to stay home with my daughter...I hate that I have to go back. I know it's not possible for me to stay home and I know going back to work is what's best for my family, but oh does it seem like the most unfair thing in this world.  

I know what's waiting for me at school...and none of it seems important to me. I like my simple days of cuddling my little Everdeen closely in my arms as she drifts off to sleep. I love laying on the rug in the sunny spot as she does tummy time and cheering loudly every time she holds her head up longer and longer.  I love spending our afternoons listening to music and just staring at each other, learning each other's faces, every crease, every feature becoming ingrained in our minds.  I love listening to her coo in her bassinet as she wakes up from her nap...I love being everything she needs right now. 

My husband and I have this dream of living out in the country and owning a small farm.  We would have goats and make fancy cheeses and sell them at the farmer's market.  Last fall Martin had been in contact with the owner of a lavender farm who was selling his land and the business.  We both thought that would be the most magical place for a little girl to grow up...can you just imagine?

Maybe someday...we can all three be home together, working, living, enjoying a beautiful life together away from the busy city. 

But for now, I have one more month left.  And you can bet that I am going to soak up every single moment...not thinking about the future, but thinking about the right now and how precious this time is with my sweet little baby.