Beautiful

How amazing that a woman's body is able to grow and change to carry another life. Every mark of pending motherhood reminds us of this job we were chosen to do. From the dark line running up our bellies to stretch marks that we try to wish away. They are all there, not as a sacrifice of our bodies, but as part of the journey of giving life to another. 

I feel like I've been struggling with feeling beautiful lately.  I'm not fishing for compliments...just trying to be honest and record how I have felt during this pregnancy...the good and bad.  I put my own insecurities into what I think others are thinking about me, especially my husband. Sometimes I mope around the apartment sad that he probably no longer finds me attractive.  That he won't want to kiss me or hold me in his arms because my body has changed too much. That I'm a stranger to him...in reality I'm the only one actually feeling and thinking these things.

I'm sure that my husband has had adjust how he sees me in someways.  My growing belly doesn't exactly look like the old Jessica he's known for the past decade.  And it's true, I am no longer the same Jessica from high school and college.  I am no longer the same Jessica from our wedding day.

I am Jessica becoming a mother. 

I know that nine months is a tiny speck in this life of mine and before I know it I will be holding my little girl in my arms. My belly will no longer look like a basketball and I will have a body that is mine again.  I need to love these new curves my body has. I need to love the dark line creeping up my belly...my individual mark of motherhood. I need to love every part of my pregnant body, because it is beautiful, swollen ankles and all.