Sigh...

Today felt like an empty Saturday afternoon in April...I'm pretty sure my twin sister is the only one who knows what I mean by that, but if you are weird like us and understand, then you are our kindred spirit :)

This week has been hard.   After we put Everdeen to bed Monday night my husband rolled over and quietly whispered that he had lost his job.  I took a deep breath so I wouldn't break out the hysterics.  He looked sad, confused...upset.   The restaurant he's been working at since this summer is new and with that has come making some major cut backs...including my husband's position. It just seems so unfair.

My stomach was turning with nervous butterflies...we just bought a house...how will we pay for daycare...of course both of our car insurances are due this month...what else can we possibly cut out of our spending?

By morning my stomach was still turning, but not with nerves.   One bad case of the stomach flu can really put you on track for your News Year's weight loss goals :) 

These past few days have just been thinking and recovering from what felt like almost death.  Dinners have been a little quieter...well as quiet as they can be with a toddler.  I know we're both thinking and thinking about every possibility right now.   

It's funny, if the roles were switched it would be so obvious what to do...at least in my eyes.  What a perfect time to stay home and watch our sweet girl.  I sort of feel like maybe this is what my husband should do...what's the point of working anyways when you forfeit your entire paycheck over to the daycare?  What a waste.  There seems to be such a stigma to husbands who are stay-at-home dads, but what's the difference between them staying home and us? As long as one of us can be the main bread winner does it really matter? 

I'm rambling...but it feels good to get my jumbled thoughts out into cyberspace. I know things will work out, they always do.  I know there is a greater plan for our lives that we don't know about and every step, every hiccup, every success is a part of that. I was talking to my big sister the other day. She made such an important point. All the struggles we go through now is for our children and the good news is that they'll never know the struggles we faced.  What they will remember though is that they were safe, happy and loved and they were provided with everything we could give them at that time.  It's true.  All you need is love right? And extra blankets because we turned the thermostat down to save money :)

For now though, we are enjoying our time together with our spirited little one before I go back to work on Monday.  I think all we have on our agenda for tomorrow is to watch it snow...and to keep thinking.