Today was such a gift. A day off. I woke up this morning to Everdeen giving me a little kiss on my forehead as she pulled the covers up over my shoulders. It was exactly what I needed, and pretty much the sweetest thing I've ever seen ;)
This week has been hard...parent teacher conferences. They went really well, but I left last night, at 8:30, feeling a heavy pressure in my chest. I had just spent two days talking to over twenty families and listening to every little concern, ache, emotion. Divorce, losing their home, losing their job, chemotherapy. Sometimes it's just too much. I have parents sitting their with hopelessness in their tear filled eyes. Hoping, just hoping I have an answer for them. Sometimes I do, and sometimes all I can do is hand them a tissue and tell them I'm so sorry...that I hope everything will be okay. And I can reassure them over and over that I will continue to be a constant support and strive to help their child anyway I can.
Being a teacher can be so emotionally draining.
Sometimes I don't know how I can do this job for the next 20 some years...sometimes I feel like teaching is getting harder and harder each year with so many more demands from the state, district, and parents. Working in a cubicle begins to sound like the best idea ever. But then I have those moments where I truly have a magical experience with my class and they make me laugh and we have such a great day together and I think, maybe I can do this for twenty more years...
I wish it wasn't such a roller coaster feeling. I think I needed today to just be. Let my mind settle, let the heavy feeling start to lift away. It's not completely gone, but today helped. Martin and I got to spend some much needed time together and we even got to go out on a lunch date :) We walked through old town enjoying the warm sun and the smell of sun burnt leaves. We both wished we could be whisked away on a vacation somewhere far away...away from all the noise of the media and everyday pressures.
Instead, we picked up Everdeen early from daycare and soaked in her joy and happiness. I seriously don't think that little girl could be any sweeter. When we saw her on the playground she ran into my arms and as I swept her up she said, "Mama so so happy?"
Nothing in this world could make me more happier :)
What a sweet post today. You do make a differnce in every little person's life you have the opportunity to teaching and their families too. Everdeen and Martin keep you grounded.
ReplyDeleteSuch a little angel, I feel like I really understand the joy and light she brings you. Also, you must be a really good listener for all those parents to be opening up like that. I cannot imagine...being a teacher must be like having hundreds of children in life, you are responsible in so many ways. You are doing really good, important work. Find little ways to rebel and keep your spirit fresh and enlightened! Xoxo
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel. I have thought many times that a cubicle job sounds awesome. This month I had conferences too and my heart aches for so many of my little ones. Being in elementary requires so much. I almost regret leaving Middle School. I feel like I'm playing catch up all day and shifting piles of papers on my desk from one place to another. It's rewarding to make an impact on these little students but sometimes I question my worth as a teacher and if this truly is my calling in life. It's so stressful. Hang in there...the hard part of the year is almost over and we will be on our holiday vacation in no time!
ReplyDeleteWhat a gorgeous light in these....
ReplyDeleteAnd I must say, that first picture in your halloween post was so so funny ;)