On Being a Twin

This is all I've ever known.

I realized that I've never really written about what it's like to be a twin...I think I'll start today...although I'm not really sure where to start. 

Being a twin is who I am everyday of my life and that can be really hard to describe.

My sister and I understand each other unlike any other relationship I've known. My other third (that would be my husband) and I are soul mates and we know each other better than most people know us...yet my sister and I have possibly an even stronger bond, a different kind of bond.

We have such a strong sense of each other. We always tell people, "We just know." 

We know what the other is feeling at most moments because 99.99999% of the time we are feeling the exact same way ourselves. We think the same. We act the same. We sound the same. Our toes are the same.

When I wrote the other day about finding myself and being happy with 'me' I realized that maybe I haven't truly felt myself since my sister and I went off to different colleges six years ago...then she left for grad school...and now she's 2,000 miles away.  I know I have to know myself on my own without my sister, but maybe the 'us' is truly who 'me' is. Does that make any sense? When I saw my sister over spring break I was so incredibly happy. I was myself...I could act silly and stupid and not care who saw. I spoke my mind...I tried new things.  

So I guess being a twin sometimes is complicated and yet at the same time is one of the most amazing things on earth. 

Just Five Minutes PLEASE!!

I don't have any kids of my own yet, but I think being the mother of two, two year old cats is giving me the training I need.

I seriously only want five minutes to myself...five minutes without anyone typing on the computer keyboard...five minutes without anyone dipping their paw into my drink...five minutes without having to rescue anyone from the bookshelf they now cannot get down from.

The minute I shut ANY door there are poor pitiful cries and little black paws reaching under the door. "PLEASE MOM! Please let me in! I need you NOW! I just love you is all." 

(I may remember being this obnoxious to my mom when I was little.  Anytime she was in the bathroom or was taking a rest..."Mom? Mommy? Are you in there? Are you sleeping? Is dinner ready yet?") 

Fresh Air

Yesterday I really needed some fresh air.

One of my students came up to me and said, "Do you want to smell my backpack?"

His backpack is leather so I said, "Why? Does it smell like leather?"

"NO!!! IT'S REALLY STINKY!"

...then I would love to

Later, someone had some issues in the bathroom and being a Kindergarten classroom we are privileged to have two bathrooms just feet from everything.  It has its ups and downs. You can probably guess the downside pretty quickly. Let's just say I probably never ever want to have a five year old boy of my own...gross.

When I got home from work it was beautiful outside. The trees are all in bloom and they smell so sweet.  Martin and I decided to go for an evening stroll around the neighborhood.  I love going for walks...we have a beautiful bike path 50 feet from our front door, but somehow we ended up on a busy Denver street. So with cars whizzing by us we walked as the sun set, held hands, and smelled the fresh spring air.  I think I want to live in one of those pink flowering trees. Maybe plant one in my classroom to disguise any odd smells that waft from the bathrooms.

Happy

I have to get something off my mind.  

Some of you may find this very hard to believe and some of you may be nodding your head agreeing really loudly as I tell you this.  I'm probably the most pessimistic person you'll ever meet.  I honestly try so hard every day to see the good, the great, the amazing things that are happening in my life. I don't know why it's so hard for me... 
I'm so exhausted feeling this way.  

There have been some tears lately as I'm trying to figure 'me' out. Somedays I make it WAY worse and somedays I feel happy just being me, not relying on anybody or anything.  It's really hard for me to just be me.  I don't like to do ANYTHING by myself...which I highly blame on being a twin.  Maybe that's partly why I don't really know myself.  I've always had someone by my side. I didn't need to be just 'me'...it was always 'us'   

Anyways, I'm starting my journey of happiness. I want to be happy, adventurous, out going and shout from the roof tops.  

I'm not ready to shout anything today...but I was walking down the hall the other day and one of our para professionals (who is 83 years old) stopped me and told me I looked beautiful, so alive, and happy.  I almost gave her a hug.  It was like she knew I needed to hear those words.  With my eyes watering as I continued to walk I realized that I was happy. My students had walked down the hallway perfectly and it smelled like rain outside.  

It truly is the little things...

germs

Today I woke up with a sore throat. Half of my class seems to have a cough and cold and you know how good five year olds are at covering their mouths...


"Achoo!"
"Cover your mouth please!"
"Cough, Cough, Hack, Hack"
"Cover your mouth please!"
"Achoo!"
...ewww I felt that one

I went back to bed and slept for another five hours this afternoon. I cannot be sick! We have too much end of the year testing at school :( 

I think the perfect cure for myself is to snuggle with my sweet little children...annnddd maybe take some medicine.