a day off

Today was such a gift.  A day off. I woke up this morning to Everdeen giving me a little kiss on my forehead as she pulled the covers up over my shoulders. It was exactly what I needed, and pretty much the sweetest thing I've ever seen ;)

This week has been hard...parent teacher conferences.  They went really well, but I left last night, at 8:30, feeling a heavy pressure in my chest.  I had just spent two days talking to over twenty families and listening to every little concern, ache, emotion. Divorce, losing their home, losing their job, chemotherapy. Sometimes it's just too much.  I have parents sitting their with hopelessness in their tear filled eyes.  Hoping, just hoping I have an answer for them. Sometimes I do, and sometimes all I can do is hand them a tissue and tell them I'm so sorry...that I hope everything will be okay.  And I can reassure them over and over that I will continue to be a constant support and strive to help their child anyway I can.  

Being a teacher can be so emotionally draining.  

Sometimes I don't know how I can do this job for the next 20 some years...sometimes I feel like teaching is getting harder and harder each year with so many more demands from the state, district, and parents.  Working in a cubicle begins to sound like the best idea ever. But then I have those moments where I truly have a magical experience with my class and they make me laugh and we have such a great day together and I think,  maybe I can do this for twenty more years...

I wish it wasn't such a roller coaster feeling.  I think I needed today to just be.  Let my mind settle, let the heavy feeling start to lift away.  It's not completely gone, but today helped. Martin and I got to spend some much needed time together and we even got to go out on a lunch date :) We walked through old town enjoying the warm sun and the smell of sun burnt leaves.  We both wished we could be whisked away on a vacation somewhere far away...away from all the noise of the media and everyday pressures. 

Instead, we picked up Everdeen early from daycare and soaked in her joy and happiness. I seriously don't think that little girl could be any sweeter.  When we saw her on the playground she ran into my arms and as I swept her up she said, "Mama so so happy?" 

Nothing in this world could make me more happier :)

life lately

a day with mama at the park

because avocados can be eaten like apples right?

these colors!

tiny hands holding tiny leaves

always checking out the little neighborhood library box...

playdates at Nana's house

seriously...these colors

Enjoying afternoon walks after school and of course crunching through big leaf piles

eating entire cartons of blackberries while wearing cherry raincoats equals total bliss :)

{40/52}

"a portrait of my daughter, once a week, every week, in 2014."

Everdeen Kate: Even though we were both feeling under the weather this weekend we were still able to enjoy the beautiful fall days. After all, warm sun, cool breezes, and crunchy leaves can make anyone feel better.   

 Linking up with Jodi :)

{39/52}

"a portrait of my daughter, once a week, every week, in 2014."

Everdeen Kate: I came in to check on you while you were napping and found a very serious reader instead.  

 Linking up with Jodi :)

Bye Bye Bapi Power

When somebody loved me everything was beautiful

Every hour spent together lives within my heart

When she loved me...

I feel like maybe Everdeen's paci is thinking these words this week...and I know that makes me a big weirdo.  But sometimes I feel like inanimate objects have feelings too.  Like I never like to leave one last chip or cracker in the bag, it should always have a friend to go to the dump with incase it gets scared or lonely... 

We've been talking to Everdeen for a few weeks now about how she's a big girl and doesn't need her pacifier anymore.  Everdeen has only used it when she was sleeping, but this past month was really hard and full of tantrums.  The moment she would get home from school she headed upstairs searching for the thing she knew she couldn't have. And I mean big crocodile tears, arms hanging from the rails of her crib.  Mama please! Help me! I NEED MY BAPI POWER! Such heartbreak over a tiny piece of plastic. 

Martin and I decided it was probably time to seriously get rid of the paci...although I'm pretty sure we've been saying that since she was 6 months old ;) 

But then suddenly on Monday night as we were going through our nighttime ritual she said, "Mama I'm a big girl! Bye bye bapi power!"

And that was that.  

It's funny that I feel more sad than Everdeen does. I think whenever we reach a milestone that loudly shouts in my face that I no longer have a baby it really becomes hard for me to move on. Where is my teeny tiny baby? I remember when her paci was almost as big as her face :)

Sigh...it's official.  I am the mother of a big girl.