in one month...

I will be done with my maternity leave. 

How can it be that time already?

It has gone too fast, way too fast...didn't I just have my baby girl? Isn't she still too little to not have her mama around her every day, all day? 

Every time I think about that Monday morning and walking out the door, having to say goodbye to my precious baby girl for the day, my throat becomes tight and my eyes fill with tears. I would do absolutely anything, truly anything in this world to be able to stay home with my daughter...I hate that I have to go back. I know it's not possible for me to stay home and I know going back to work is what's best for my family, but oh does it seem like the most unfair thing in this world.  

I know what's waiting for me at school...and none of it seems important to me. I like my simple days of cuddling my little Everdeen closely in my arms as she drifts off to sleep. I love laying on the rug in the sunny spot as she does tummy time and cheering loudly every time she holds her head up longer and longer.  I love spending our afternoons listening to music and just staring at each other, learning each other's faces, every crease, every feature becoming ingrained in our minds.  I love listening to her coo in her bassinet as she wakes up from her nap...I love being everything she needs right now. 

My husband and I have this dream of living out in the country and owning a small farm.  We would have goats and make fancy cheeses and sell them at the farmer's market.  Last fall Martin had been in contact with the owner of a lavender farm who was selling his land and the business.  We both thought that would be the most magical place for a little girl to grow up...can you just imagine?

Maybe someday...we can all three be home together, working, living, enjoying a beautiful life together away from the busy city. 

But for now, I have one more month left.  And you can bet that I am going to soak up every single moment...not thinking about the future, but thinking about the right now and how precious this time is with my sweet little baby.

one million

Our little girl is only six weeks old, but I'm pretty sure I have already given those sweet cheeks and that tiny little nose a million kisses...

28 years of wonderfulness

Yesterday was my husband's birthday. We celebrated Hawaiian style...spam and eggs for breakfast, Hawaiian BBQ chicken for dinner, coconut gelato with macadamia nuts for dessert. I even found our Hawaiian CDs from our honeymoon to play in the background...we could just imagine the warm ocean breeze on our faces. 

Martin had to work on his birthday, which I think is a shame, but he got in lots of snuggle time with Everdeen in the morning  

Martin,

 I'm so blessed to get to spend another year with you. This past year was filled with so many new things...we found out we were going to be parents and now we have a little family of three. You are the most amazing husband a girl could ask for and Everdeen has the most amazing daddy a girl could ask for. I know this next year will be filled with lots of new adventures and changes and I'm so glad we get to do them together.  I love you so so much. 

Love,

me

auntie kate came for a visit

My twin sister just left this morning.  Our goodbye was tearful and I would have done anything to have had just a few more minutes with her...I think we may have even felt extra sad this time.  Now there is another little person in her life who is 2,000 miles away.  Sure we Skype almost every day, but somehow seeing your one month old niece and nine month old nephew on a computer screen and actually feeling their soft baby skin against yours is so incredibly different. 

I was secretly hoping hurricane Isaac would hit southern Florida even more than it did so she would have no choice but to stay with us a few extra days...but no such luck. So now we just look forward to the next time she gets to come home...we're already counting down the days.  

one month

:) I think we'll be trying this again tomorrow...

But for now, my baby girl is exactly one month old today. Where did those four weeks go?  Martin and I still can't believe we have been blessed with such a sweet, sweet baby.  We just sit and stare at her every evening after dinner and give her a million kisses and she smiles back. 

It makes our hearts melt. 

I love my new family of three.  I feel like it's always been this way...that I've always known Everdeen. I can't remember what it was like before we brought this baby girl into our lives. 

I wish she would stay this tiny forever.