Taco Tuesday on a Saturday

Look who's home! Kate and Bobby are here the whole week...which is full of lots of fun family festivities. We celebrated their arrival with a fiesta of sorts and I stayed up until 11pm like an actual adult. I like staying busy with school out, but then my body reminds me that it is growing a tiny person and I become instantly tired and have to take a nap like a three year old. 

We're trying to cherish these last few weeks as just the two of us and without the need for a babysitter. It feels like a big part of our lives is about to end forever and it leaves a fleeting feeling in the pit of my stomach and I can't help but feel sad that it won't ever just be Martin and I again. But then I feel the baby move inside of me and can't stop thinking about all the amazing moments we're about to have with her.  I think our new life will be so full that we won't miss our old life...and hopefully we can still have an occasional Taco Saturday with friends even with a tiny baby snoozing away in the other room. 

Preparing

At my midwife appointment last week I finally opened up about my fears and worries of giving birth. My midwife told me in her calm and motherly way that most pregnant women have many fears and worries and one of the best things we can do is talk openly about them.  She recommended the book Birthing From Within for me to read so that I might prepare a little more for my labor. 

I love what the author wrote when she said, "...Women have to prepare for birth in their heart and soul, not their head. Giving birth is something a women does in her body, not in her head."  I know that so many women out there don't believe in birthing naturally, I even had someone tell me that C-sections are for sophisticated women.  I wish every woman understood that our bodies are made to bring our babies into this world.  But we can't go into labor blindly. We need to prepare ourselves for the pain. Prepare ourselves for any unplanned situations. We have to go back to trusting our most basic instincts. 

 Pregnant women need those around them to lift them up emotionally and spiritually and emphasize the importance of this new experience they are about to have.  We should be connecting as mothers to those around us. I don't think enough credit is given to women for such an extraordinary feat as giving birth.  It truly is amazing and it makes me sad to think that some women aren't celebrated, encouraged, and told those four important words, "You can do it."

I know there can't be one right way to have a baby...there are millions of women in this world, each listening to the rhythm of her own body, each finding the way that works for her. And I know I have never given birth before, but I feel like this is my own rite of passage into motherhood and I need to enter this new world of becoming a mother without any preconceived notions of what is the "right way" to do it. I want to give birth only in the way that is right for my baby and I at that moment.  

I know there is still much I don't know and won't know until meeting my daughter is only hours away. But there are two things that I do know about giving birth that I can focus on for now. 

It's hard work.  

I can do this.   

A Yellow Face Lift

Since finding out that we were pregnant, Martin and I have worked really hard to save money where we can.  Babies are expensive, but there are ways to save.  I scoured Craigslist and found a perfectly good Jenny Lind changing table for $35 (originally $100). I always pictured a changing table just like this one and even though it was a little scuffed, I knew a fresh coat of paint would spruce it right up.  

Our little girl will be sharing our one bedroom with us so I wanted to choose a color that would work well with our bedroom colors. Yellow is such a cheerful color, don't you think? 

 We headed over to my sister's this morning to use her backyard for our project.  I learned quickly that my lovely husband is better at teaching our nephew how to drum on the paint can than he is at actually painting.  But he learned fast ;) 

 I can't wait to lay my little girl on this happy little table  as she looks up at me while I sing songs and put on one of her tiny little outfits.  It's nice to have things for our baby that are unique and done especially for her. Sometimes I get swept away with looking at pictures of amazing and intricate nurseries. Then I take a look at our tiny bedroom and feel bad that she can't have her own space filled with cute little things. But I guess what's really important is that she has all the necessities. That she is safe, happy, and loved.  

Those things we can definitely give her a plethora of. 

Pink

I told Martin I needed to pick out a new shade of nail polish to celebrate the end of the school year.  He didn't understand.  I remember when we were little and my mom would let us pick something special out at the drug store when we were celebrating a special occasion, like not crying when we got our yearly shots at the doctors. I'd say surviving this school year allows me to pick out every shade of nail polish in the store...but I settled on neon pink.  

The past two days have been so relaxing. My pace is much slower these days, but it's felt good cleaning the apartment and slowly getting things ready for the little one.  My feet are enjoying my afternoon naps and I think my ankles are starting to make an appearance again. 

8 Months

It's hard to believe that I'm already 8 months pregnant. I remember filling in my planner with each week of pregnancy starting with the week we found out, 3 weeks...33 weeks seemed so far away.  It would be the last week of school and I kept trying to imagine how I would be feeling.  Probably very tired, swollen ankles and probably very ready to be done with school.  I imagined right :) 

I have two more days of school left and about a million things to do before I turn in my keys.  I don't want to think about school anymore. I feel like this time before her arrival is so precious and I'm losing this precious time recording test scores and organizing my classroom for next year.  I want to start preparing for her, getting her things ready.  I want to get my mind ready for this incredible journey that we're about to take because most days I don't feel ready.   

I feel like my emotions have been running wild these past few weeks. Every time I think of holding our tiny baby in my arms my eyes fill with tears. Every time I think about the responsibility of bringing a tiny baby into this world, my eyes fill with tears. All the things still left to do.  All the things I won't know how to do until she actually comes.  Praying that Martin and I will be the best parents we know how to be for our daughter. 

I know everything will work out because it always seems to. I know that if the changing table doesn't get painted that life will go on. I feel like I'm preparing for a test that I can't truly prepare for and that makes me feel like I'm failing. 

I'm ready to start the most important summer job I've ever had...becoming a mother.  I think once our baby girl makes her appearance into this world safely I will feel at ease.  I know most things will come naturally and the things that don't, well, we will just have to learn them together.