A Beach Affair to Remember

We arrived late Friday afternoon to the island. It was humid, green, and made us feel like we were really on vacation.  All thoughts of Colorado were left behind us.  Not a single thought about school and all the testing and deadlines ahead of me. I breathed in the muggy air and felt relaxed for the first time in months. I think our baby girl could feel it too...I wonder if she liked the sound of the waves?

I hadn't see my twin sister since December and she was in awe at how much my belly had grown. We see each other on Skype almost every day, but now she could finally feel her little niece kicking away. 

We spent the days before the wedding walking along the shell covered beach, wading out into the shallow ocean where dolphins swam only hundreds of feet away. Sanibel Island is a magical place.

By Saturday all of the family had arrived.  We celebrated at a tiny Italian restaurant on the island.  And while the wine flowed and the homemade pasta was enjoyed, two families began to merge into one. 

Sunday was the day we had been anticipating for almost a year.  We surveyed our sunburned skin and hoped the wedding photographer would be able to photoshop it out.  My sister and I got up early with the sun rise and rolled her hair into curlers, whispering and laughing while Martin snoozed away on the foldout couch.  
Finally it was her wedding day.  

 

At six o'clock we made our way to the beach.  There were lots of beach spectators awaiting to catch a glimpse of the bride...people had even come out from their hotel rooms and waited on their balconies. I knew that would make my sister even more nervous.  The simplicity of the beach was the only decorations needed and as we faced the waves crashing to the shore the music started. 

  

I love weddings.  I love standing next to my husband and thinking about the vows the bride and groom are saying to each other.  Remembering our own vows and how sacred and special our own marriage is. 

There was dancing and dinner under the bright orange super moon that we watched rise out of the ocean.  I felt like I was in a vintage Florida postcard with The Girl from Ipanema playing in the background.  


 When it was time to say goodnight my sister and I hugged for a long time. I tried not to cry, knowing I would see her again in June. I told her that she looked so beautiful and that everything had been perfect...because it truly had been. 

I Can't Wait

I can't wait to see your face, your little fingers, feel your soft skin

I can't wait to put you against my chest and smell your baby smell

I can't wait to hear your tiny cry

I can't wait to see your daddy hold you for the first time

I can't wait to see if your eyes are blue or brown or what color your hair is

I can't wait to take you on your first walk...so you can feel the warm sun and smell the summer air around you 

I can't wait to dress you in your newly washed tiny pink clothes

I can't wait to feel like it is Christmas morning every day, knowing I get to wake up and see you sleeping next to our bed

I can't wait to show you the world and all the beautiful things in it

I can't wait to give you kisses on your baby toes and tell you how much I love you

Less than two months until we meet you...I can't wait

On Being a Twin: Part 5

In one week I will be reunited with my twin sister.

She will stand on the beach with the love of her life, surrounded by just her family, and exchange her vows of love. I can not wait!

When I got married almost three years ago it was a big adjustment for Kate and I.  We were inseparable. But at the same time, I needed to learn my new role as a wife.  Martin and I needed to begin our life together, he needed to be the person I went to for everything, made important decisions with. It was a big shift for us.

Some days have been hard and filled with tears. There have been feelings of being left out and of not feeling important enough.  But I think after three years we have settled into our new roles.  Martin knows that Kate is still the one I share almost everything with and he's okay with that. He knows that sometimes he doesn't have the right words to say, but Kate does.  And I know that my sister feels the same way.  That sometimes there are things I can only share with my husband. 

And now maybe it's my turn to learn a new role.  Let Kate and Bobby begin their newly married life together.  Understand that her new husband needs to be number one in her life now. Although, I am a very close second ;) We are both so lucky to be with men who are so understanding of our unique relationship.  They know that our bond is unlike anything and they have never tried to get in the way of that. 

I am so incredibly happy for my sister I could burst with joy! I can't wait for this next chapter in her life, in our lives.  It's going to be beautiful.

Beautiful

How amazing that a woman's body is able to grow and change to carry another life. Every mark of pending motherhood reminds us of this job we were chosen to do. From the dark line running up our bellies to stretch marks that we try to wish away. They are all there, not as a sacrifice of our bodies, but as part of the journey of giving life to another. 

I feel like I've been struggling with feeling beautiful lately.  I'm not fishing for compliments...just trying to be honest and record how I have felt during this pregnancy...the good and bad.  I put my own insecurities into what I think others are thinking about me, especially my husband. Sometimes I mope around the apartment sad that he probably no longer finds me attractive.  That he won't want to kiss me or hold me in his arms because my body has changed too much. That I'm a stranger to him...in reality I'm the only one actually feeling and thinking these things.

I'm sure that my husband has had adjust how he sees me in someways.  My growing belly doesn't exactly look like the old Jessica he's known for the past decade.  And it's true, I am no longer the same Jessica from high school and college.  I am no longer the same Jessica from our wedding day.

I am Jessica becoming a mother. 

I know that nine months is a tiny speck in this life of mine and before I know it I will be holding my little girl in my arms. My belly will no longer look like a basketball and I will have a body that is mine again.  I need to love these new curves my body has. I need to love the dark line creeping up my belly...my individual mark of motherhood. I need to love every part of my pregnant body, because it is beautiful, swollen ankles and all.

Are You There Sleep? It's Me, Jessica

I'm pretty sure it would have been nice to know that you don't sleep when you are pregnant. Oh, you did? It's just me?

That's nice.

I was so frustrated last night, tossing and turning (or rather lifting my extra twenty pounds of body up and plopping it down on the other side...so out of breath from that single motion it was pitiful). And there lay my peacefully sleeping husband with the two cats snoring away. I may or may not have glared and muttered mean things in their direction.

(haha I couldn't even get through taking pictures without one of my ginormous yawns)

Everyone jokes and laughs that my body is just preparing itself for when the baby arrives. "Now you'll have practiced what it's like to not sleep!" they say a little too jollily. I don't want to practice. I want to sleep.

Maybe I'm being selfish. 

Maybe I'm grumpy because I haven't slept in almost a week.

Maybe I'm tired of people telling me I look tired.

But there is one nice thing about being wide awake at 3am. Our baby girl is wide awake too.  In fact, I think she may have taken up tap dancing in there.  I'll just add this to my list of things I can make her feel guilty about when she is a snarly teenager :)