Dear Chicken Salad, I sort of hate you

This week was hard.

I bruised my tailbone like you wouldn't believe and screamed bloody murder every time I had to stand up...or sit down for that matter, sneeze, laugh...it was miserable.  Thank goodness it's finally healing. 

Martin has been taking very good care of me, still loving me even when I have a big ice pack down my pants or start crying when he goes over a speed bump in the car. 

I never wanted to be a "difficult" pregnant lady, but lately I feel like I have been.  The one food that I actually found to love while eating Paleo I can't stand to look at. I used to inhale bowls of chicken salad and now, I can barely swallow it.

Eating strictly Paleo has been the biggest challenge for me this far in my pregnancy. I admit I have not stayed true to eliminating gluten and processed foods from my diet.  With these new food aversions and plus my already picky appetite I am struggling to find things to eat that align with our lifestyle.  

I know the benefits of eating clean, I've experienced them myself, my husband has experienced them. I know the benefits it will have on our little one. I have to keep telling myself over and over that the food I eat isn't just for me anymore, it's to help nourish and grow our baby. Which is most important right now. 

I think maybe slowly I am starting to get the hang of being pregnant. By the time I have everything under control it will be July and the baby will be here :)  For now, I'm just taking each day as it comes. Celebrating when I go a whole day without eating gluten...celebrating each milestone that passes and continuing to be so thankful for this experience, even if chicken and I are no longer on speaking terms. 

Learning To Love A New Body

My body is changing...and quickly.

Every mirror, or any piece of reflective glass for that matter, that I walk by I stop and stare. Is that really me? I think I walked into the bathroom 20 times yesterday just to look in the mirror at my belly. Yup, still there.

I was telling Martin the other day that when I was a little girl I used to pretend what it would be like to have a pregnant belly.  I would stuff shirts or pillows under my shirt and couldn't wait for the day when it would be real. And now it is. My stomach is growing bigger and rounder and it's pretty nice that it isn't lumpy like it had been with t-shirts stuffed under there. 

It doesn't feel like my body anymore. I guess it technically isn't my body anymore. My body's main purpose right now is to grow our little one and I'm just along for the ride. It's so strange to watch something change without your control. I think most of pregnancy is giving up control...which can be really hard. Everyday is different. Everyday brings new challenges, new things I've never experienced before.  There seems to be one more thing I can't stomach or one more piece of clothing that doesn't fit. As I folded the laundry this weekend I looked longingly at my jeans and wondered if I would ever wear them again.

Of course I will. I told them they were getting a vacation, but I would be back...so don't go and get too used to the back of the dresser.

I remember when I was around other pregnant women and they would be lamenting about their changing bodies.  My first reaction was one of judgement. How could they say those things? Of course your body is going to get bigger you're having a BABY! But now being one of those pregnant women I know exactly what they were saying. 

Nobody wants their body to necessarily get bigger and we all know how important our body's role is right now. But sometimes it's okay to sigh and remember when it didn't take 45 minutes to get dressed in the morning and sometimes it's okay to be a little grumpy that we are now wearing pants that are about as attractive as elastic waisted sweatpants on a ninety year old man. 

It doesn't mean we didn't hope and wish for this experience. It doesn't mean we don't have days where we are in love with our bellies and our more curvy waists. 

After all, what better way to be reminded of our tiny little baby than by taking one quick glance down. It's a pretty amazing reminder.

Being an adult means you get to have a couch

Our college dorm-like living room is a mere memory. Our tiny love seat has gone on to bigger and greater things and our legs thank us every time we stretch out on 70 inches of pure bliss. Sure the love seat was perfect for cuddling, after all it isn't called a "love" seat for nothing. But we had had enough of the leg cramps and squished bodies. And I'm sure our friends will thank us now that they don't have to sit a nose length away from us.

Martin surprised me with this beauty on Christmas morning.  I opened my gift, confused...was it a piggy bank? For the cats? I kept smiling hoping someone would tell me what I was holding in my hands. Martin told me excitedly that we were getting a new couch and he was letting me pick it out! Such a nice husband.

I was tempted to take in my model couch with us to the store and ask a sales associate if they could please find something similar to this. "You don't have anything in this color? Well, that's a shame."

After spending an hour just walking through the maze that is Ikea, we came home with a couch that suits us perfectly. We love it and have even experienced a few naps that have not left us with a big charlie horse in our calves.

It's funny because the past few times that Martin and I have sat on the couch together I noticed that we both sat on the same seat cushion, squished together with miles of extra couch next to us. We're not used to all this extra space...but that's okay with me. I don't mind the snuggling for a little while longer. 

I'm Going To Be A Mama

First off, thank you all so much for your kind comments! It was such an exciting day telling everyone about our little surprise! 

I think I'm still in awe that this is all happening. I am amazed everyday that God has given us this amazing miracle inside of me.  I walk around most days starring at my belly that is growing rounder everyday and daydream about the day when we will finally meet our little one. 

These past three months have been more than challenging for me. All day nausea is hard to handle when you teach kindergarten...  I'm not sure I really remember much from the last three months because I slept through most of it :) But now with the start of the second trimester I am feeling better everyday and feel like I can actually start to think about what all these changes are about to bring.  Every night before I go to bed I take some time to breathe deeply and give myself a few moments to soak all of this wonderfulness in.  Because even with the uncomfortable aches and sickness I want to remember this time--because it truly is amazing.

Martin and I found out that we were going to be parents very early on...at just three weeks.  On Halloween to be exact. Although we knew someday we wanted a baby to join our family, the news came as quite a surprise and I think the first few weeks were filled with overcoming our shock and calming our fears. I knew the shock was gone when I came home from work and saw the table covered in baby books from the library. I knew right then that Martin was ready to dive into this new adventure with everything he has.

It was strange keeping such a big secret from those around me. Everywhere I went I wanted everyone around me to know that I was pregnant--that I was going to be a mama! When I pumped gas or walked the aisles of the grocery store I loved knowing that I wasn't exactly alone anymore. But we wanted to wait to tell our friends until we knew that things were progressing smoothly.  When we went for our ultrasound at 9 weeks I was nervous. Martin stood by my side and held my hand as we watched the monitor and right away we saw our little one. Dancing away. I was so overcome with emotion knowing that that was our baby.

Now we are just excited to keep watching our baby grow bigger and stronger everyday...staying safe inside of me for now. 

Thank you for reading along with me. I am thrilled to share this journey with everyone.

Love Story {Part VII} You + Me = 3