You and I

Music Gives Wings to the Mind

2012-02-12T16:40:00.000-07:00

The little one and I spent a quiet Sunday afternoon listening to music and I got caught up on some much wanted reading of the Hunger Games. I used to think being alone all weekend while Martin worked was boring, but now I love that I get to share new things with our baby, even if they are still growing inside of me.

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!

A Polka Dotty Week

2012-02-10T17:48:00.000-07:00

There's just something about polka dots...don't you think?

Dressing has become a little easier now that I've accepted the fact that I've gained the weight of a small dog. My mom and I scoured a baby and maternity consignment store and found some really great pieces that will last me through my pregnancy...all 50% off, which makes them that much more wonderful. And seeing my older sister just went through her pregnancy, I got to go through her selection of maternity clothes as well.

It's nice to share.

Dressing for my new belly sure gets the creative juices flowing in the wee morning hours. I'm still enjoying wearing most of my pre pregnancy tops and pants thanks to my Bellaband and the fact that apparently I used to buy clothes that eerily resembled maternity fashion.

I held up some of my new wardrobe for my husband to admire and said, "Hey, some of these things I could definitely keep wearing after the baby comes!" Martin looked instantly alarmed.

"Well, maybe not the elastic waisted pants..." I added quickly.

Today was a good day and I was smiling all afternoon. I got to hear our little one's heartbeat and experienced what it was like to have a stranger, in the middle of a store, get excited about your pregnancy. I'm beginning to really love my new belly, especially in polka dots.

Forever My Babies You'll Be

2012-02-05T18:44:00.000-07:00

Martin and I keep explaining to Wilson and Margot that pretty soon there will be a new baby in the house. Martin tells them that it will be loud and smelly, which leaves both the cats with a sense of fear in their eyes. I reassure them that the baby will only be loud and smelly sometimes.

But most importantly, as silly as it sounds, we reassure the cats that we have enough love for everyone, and they will secretly always be our babies.

Snowed In

2012-02-04T15:24:00.002-07:00

Yesterday, we watched as seventeen inches of sparkly snow fell to the ground. Although pretty, I wasn't able to go to my four month baby check up and for that I'm extremely mad at this mini blizzard that decided to grace Colorado with its presence. But, I can't stay mad too long because the sun is already shining again and I'm pretty sure I've been feeling our little baby move inside of me.

The little butterfly movements are truly an amazing feeling. And until my husband will be able to feel our baby move from the outside, it's just me and the little one for now...connecting and bonding over such a small thing as a tiny kick. In a few weeks we'll get to find out if we're having a little girl or boy. I love sitting with my eyes closed and day dreaming about what it will be like to have a little Martin or a little Jessica running around. Either way we'll be happy. I just focus on those small movements that remind me that there is a tiny being inside of me, a tiny being that is ours, that we are responsible for growing and teaching and loving.

Since we weren't going anywhere yesterday, I begged Martin to help me rearrange the bedroom furniture. I feel like I've been nesting like crazy and need EVERY space in this little apartment to be clean and organized. Our 13 foot by 13 foot bedroom is going to serve as our bedroom, office, and soon to be nursery. Yikes.

We'll make it work. We decided to stay in our one bedroom apartment for another year...besides, babies are small, right? :) We knew that now wasn't the time to move to the place we eventually want to call home. So now, we wait for the right time and make the home we have a home for three instead of two.

To be honest though, sometimes I feel sad that I can't decorate a nursery for my baby. The necessities are all we have room for and I guess that's probably a good thing. Martin keeps reminding me that people thousands of years ago didn't have fancy nurseries for their babies and everyone turned out just fine. "What would they have done in a teepee Jessica? Everyone lived in the same room." He has a valid point, but still...

Our room is a work in progress for now, but I can see the potential.

Dear Chicken Salad, I sort of hate you

2012-01-28T18:39:00.003-07:00

This week was hard.

I bruised my tailbone like you wouldn't believe and screamed bloody murder every time I had to stand up...or sit down for that matter, sneeze, laugh...it was miserable. Thank goodness it's finally healing.

Martin has been taking very good care of me, still loving me even when I have a big ice pack down my pants or start crying when he goes over a speed bump in the car.

I never wanted to be a "difficult" pregnant lady, but lately I feel like I have been. The one food that I actually found to love while eating Paleo I can't stand to look at. I used to inhale bowls of chicken salad and now, I can barely swallow it.

Eating strictly Paleo has been the biggest challenge for me this far in my pregnancy. I admit I have not stayed true to eliminating gluten and processed foods from my diet. With these new food aversions and plus my already picky appetite I am struggling to find things to eat that align with our lifestyle.

I know the benefits of eating clean, I've experienced them myself, my husband has experienced them. I know the benefits it will have on our little one. I have to keep telling myself over and over that the food I eat isn't just for me anymore, it's to help nourish and grow our baby. Which is most important right now.

I think maybe slowly I am starting to get the hang of being pregnant. By the time I have everything under control it will be July and the baby will be here :) For now, I'm just taking each day as it comes. Celebrating when I go a whole day without eating gluten...celebrating each milestone that passes and continuing to be so thankful for this experience, even if chicken and I are no longer on speaking terms.

Learning To Love A New Body

2012-01-23T18:37:00.002-07:00

My body is changing...and quickly.

Every mirror, or any piece of reflective glass for that matter, that I walk by I stop and stare. Is that really me? I think I walked into the bathroom 20 times yesterday just to look in the mirror at my belly. Yup, still there.

I was telling Martin the other day that when I was a little girl I used to pretend what it would be like to have a pregnant belly. I would stuff shirts or pillows under my shirt and couldn't wait for the day when it would be real. And now it is. My stomach is growing bigger and rounder and it's pretty nice that it isn't lumpy like it had been with t-shirts stuffed under there.

It doesn't feel like my body anymore. I guess it technically isn't my body anymore. My body's main purpose right now is to grow our little one and I'm just along for the ride. It's so strange to watch something change without your control. I think most of pregnancy is giving up control...which can be really hard. Everyday is different. Everyday brings new challenges, new things I've never experienced before. There seems to be one more thing I can't stomach or one more piece of clothing that doesn't fit. As I folded the laundry this weekend I looked longingly at my jeans and wondered if I would ever wear them again.

Of course I will. I told them they were getting a vacation, but I would be back...so don't go and get too used to the back of the dresser.

I remember when I was around other pregnant women and they would be lamenting about their changing bodies. My first reaction was one of judgement. How could they say those things? Of course your body is going to get bigger you're having a BABY! But now being one of those pregnant women I know exactly what they were saying.

Nobody wants their body to necessarily get bigger and we all know how important our body's role is right now. But sometimes it's okay to sigh and remember when it didn't take 45 minutes to get dressed in the morning and sometimes it's okay to be a little grumpy that we are now wearing pants that are about as attractive as elastic waisted sweatpants on a ninety year old man.

It doesn't mean we didn't hope and wish for this experience. It doesn't mean we don't have days where we are in love with our bellies and our more curvy waists.

After all, what better way to be reminded of our tiny little baby than by taking one quick glance down. It's a pretty amazing reminder.

Being an adult means you get to have a couch

2012-01-17T21:15:00.000-07:00

Our college dorm-like living room is a mere memory. Our tiny love seat has gone on to bigger and greater things and our legs thank us every time we stretch out on 70 inches of pure bliss. Sure the love seat was perfect for cuddling, after all it isn't called a "love" seat for nothing. But we had had enough of the leg cramps and squished bodies. And I'm sure our friends will thank us now that they don't have to sit a nose length away from us.

Martin surprised me with this beauty on Christmas morning. I opened my gift, confused...was it a piggy bank? For the cats? I kept smiling hoping someone would tell me what I was holding in my hands. Martin told me excitedly that we were getting a new couch and he was letting me pick it out! Such a nice husband.

I was tempted to take in my model couch with us to the store and ask a sales associate if they could please find something similar to this. "You don't have anything in this color? Well, that's a shame."

After spending an hour just walking through the maze that is Ikea, we came home with a couch that suits us perfectly. We love it and have even experienced a few naps that have not left us with a big charlie horse in our calves.

It's funny because the past few times that Martin and I have sat on the couch together I noticed that we both sat on the same seat cushion, squished together with miles of extra couch next to us. We're not used to all this extra space...but that's okay with me. I don't mind the snuggling for a little while longer.

I'm Going To Be A Mama

2012-01-14T22:54:00.000-07:00

First off, thank you all so much for your kind comments! It was such an exciting day telling everyone about our little surprise!

I think I'm still in awe that this is all happening. I am amazed everyday that God has given us this amazing miracle inside of me. I walk around most days starring at my belly that is growing rounder everyday and daydream about the day when we will finally meet our little one.

These past three months have been more than challenging for me. All day nausea is hard to handle when you teach kindergarten... I'm not sure I really remember much from the last three months because I slept through most of it :) But now with the start of the second trimester I am feeling better everyday and feel like I can actually start to think about what all these changes are about to bring. Every night before I go to bed I take some time to breathe deeply and give myself a few moments to soak all of this wonderfulness in. Because even with the uncomfortable aches and sickness I want to remember this time--because it truly is amazing.

Martin and I found out that we were going to be parents very early on...at just three weeks. On Halloween to be exact. Although we knew someday we wanted a baby to join our family, the news came as quite a surprise and I think the first few weeks were filled with overcoming our shock and calming our fears. I knew the shock was gone when I came home from work and saw the table covered in baby books from the library. I knew right then that Martin was ready to dive into this new adventure with everything he has.

It was strange keeping such a big secret from those around me. Everywhere I went I wanted everyone around me to know that I was pregnant--that I was going to be a mama! When I pumped gas or walked the aisles of the grocery store I loved knowing that I wasn't exactly alone anymore. But we wanted to wait to tell our friends until we knew that things were progressing smoothly. When we went for our ultrasound at 9 weeks I was nervous. Martin stood by my side and held my hand as we watched the monitor and right away we saw our little one. Dancing away. I was so overcome with emotion knowing that that was our baby.

Now we are just excited to keep watching our baby grow bigger and stronger everyday...staying safe inside of me for now.

Thank you for reading along with me. I am thrilled to share this journey with everyone.

Love Story {Part VII} You + Me = 3

2012-01-09T06:13:00.000-07:00

Love Story {Part VI} Then Comes Marriage

2012-01-07T21:13:00.001-07:00

You can bet that the next six months were spent very impatiently awaiting Martin's arrival to Denver. But finally, after two years, he made the journey to the big city that would now be his home. But this time instead of tears there were smiles that couldn't be stopped.

We felt complete again. This was the way it was supposed to be. We didn't have to plan days in advance of when we would get to see each other. I could eat dinner with him on a Tuesday night if I wanted to!

Martin arrived in Denver just in time to help me put the finishing touches on our wedding plans. Our wedding day would take place in a small Colorado town, overlooking the mountains with our closest family and friends.

When I look back on our wedding, it makes me smile. It was a beautiful summer morning and as I got dressed I nervously waited for the moment when I would get to see my groom for the first time.

When it was time, my dad walked me down the stone staircase reminding me to breathe. He held onto my shaking hand and as I finally looked up all I could see was Martin waiting for me.

We made our vows to each other, exchanged rings, and sealed our love with a kiss all while the birds chirped happily around us.

We had started our life together as husband and wife. After seven years we were finally married. It was, is, the best feeling in the world to know that you get to spend the rest of your life with your best friend.

It's been two and half years since our wedding day and I am more in love with my husband than ever. I still sometimes can't believe that he chose me to be his wife. We have been through so much these past two years that have made us stronger and more thankful that we have had each other to grow side by side with.

And now with the start of a brand new year we are about to begin our newest and greatest adventure together yet...

Love Story {Part I}

Love Story {Part 11} A Mild Lapse in Judgment

Love Story {Part III} Fate is in Charge

Love Story {Part IV} Survival Mode

Love Story {Part V} Promise

2012-01-06T13:16:00.000-07:00

Thanks for reading along with me as I've been documenting our Love Story. I wanted to have a place where it was all together...from the beginning to today :)

* * *

I was a college graduate. It was the summer of 2007 and I was headed for the real world--the real workforce. Joining hundreds of thousands of other young folks just like me. I was living on my own for the first time in my whole life. My own apartment, my own rules, my own little space in the big city of Denver. I finally felt like an adult, making my own decisions, supporting myself.

I began my summer with my continued job search and summer nanny job. In June, I got the call I'd been praying and hoping for since I had started college four years earlier. I had been offered a fourth grade teaching position! I called Martin immediately and told him my good news. He was so happy for me and in my state of bliss I didn't or rather couldn't dwell too much on the fact that my new job was in Aurora and Martin was still in Greeley.

We both knew I had to take the job. We talked about how the next year was going to look. We knew it would be at least another year of long distance, lots of driving, lots of phone conversations. But there was no hesitation that this was the right thing to do. So we decided that the minute Martin graduated he would join me in Denver.

I spent that next year being what I had always wanted to be, a teacher. All those years of playing pretend classroom in the basement with my sister had payed off. I didn't have to pretend anymore and I got payed for it.

I loved it.

When summer came I was ecstatic to be able to spend my summer vacation with Martin. One particular summer day Martin planned out a day in the mountains for us. We would drive to Rocky Mountain National Park, find a quiet picnic spot, and enjoy the beautiful summer weather. I didn't think anything of our day trip because Martin planned things like this all the time for us to do. So we packed up our lunch, hopped in the car and made the drive up the winding mountain roads. We pulled off to a picnic spot that nestled right up alongside the river...it was peaceful and the wind rustled the pine trees. As Martin set up our lunch I wandered around taking pictures oblivious to the magical moment that was about to occur.

A few minutes later Martin called me over and took my hands in his. He began telling me sweet things that I truly wish I could remember :) But I do remember him telling me how much he loved me and that he promised to spend the rest of his life with me. Then he asked me to marry him. This was the greatest promise of love.

I don't think I had ever felt as happy as I did at that moment. We soaked in our good news, just the two of us, for a long time before we headed back on the road.

We had known for a very long time that we wanted to be by each others sides for the rest of our lives, but now the pieces were finally falling into place. Martin only had a semester left of school, I had a job I enjoyed, and soon he would be with me in Denver.

Love Story {Part I}

Love Story {Part 11} A Mild Lapse in Judgment

Love Story {Part III} Fate is in Charge

Love Story {Part IV} Survival Mode

2012-01-04T18:33:00.003-07:00

In the late fall of 2006, I opened my placement letter for student teaching. I had been placed in a city I had never wanted to go to and I was devastated. Those who know me well know that I am a homebody. Home is where I feel the safest. Looking back now though, I can see that maybe I needed to be pushed to expand my wings and try something new. I would never have left on my own accord.

I would be moving to our state's capitol, somewhere I had only been with my family for special occasions...when we visited the museum or the zoo. I had never in a million years pictured myself living amongst the hustle and bustle of big city life. I was scared to death and didn't know what these next six months were going to look like.

But there was one bright light amongst all these gloomy thoughts. My big sister, Elizabeth, was already living in Denver working towards her PhD, and without hesitation she had asked me to live with her. I was beyond relieved.

I remember saying goodbye to Martin. We stood outside his rundown apartment across from campus and he held me in his arms for what didn't seem like long enough. The cold wind whipped around us and I thought it was fitting that everything around us was dead and covered in dirty snow. Through my tears he told me it wouldn't be so bad. He would come visit me as often as he could and I would do the same. I nodded and gave an unconvincing smile. I got in my overpacked car and couldn't look back as I drove away.

As I made my first drive to Denver...to my new home...I cried even more tears. It was almost a two our drive to see the love of my life and I knew we would both be very busy with school.

I slowly began to unpack my new life. I started my placement at a school in Aurora, a suburb of Denver. The school was rough and I had been assigned to a 5th grade class of kids who were much taller than me, where the boys were already growing mustaches, and where I was told by the students that they didn't like me. I worked hard, proving myself to those around me that I could do this. I began to fit into a community where I was the minority and I began to earn the respect of my new class.

When my school days were over I longed for the moment when I could see Martin. We made the two hour journey more times than we could count, through blizzards and rush hour traffic. Our two weekend days together would fly by too quickly. It wasn't enough time to catch up on what we were missing. Some weekends we couldn't see each other at all. Some weekends we spent arguing about things that didn't matter. But we continued to talk daily and continued to make the best of what we had.

When Spring came I felt like I had literally survived a battle and I was waking up with the sun. Somehow I made it through my placement with only a few emotional scars and much thicker skin. I was more ready than ever to take on my own classroom. I was excited about my future. I applied to hundreds of jobs...mostly back home where I desperately wanted to return to.

Martin still had a year and half of school left after switching majors and my number one goal was to move closer to where he was.

Love Story {Part I}

Love Story {Part 11} A Mild Lapse in Judgment

Love Story {Part III} Fate is in Charge

The Floridans are Cold!

2011-12-30T11:50:00.000-07:00

It's amazing what a couple years of living in tropical paradise will do to two native Coloradoans. Just a few minutes into our photo shoot and my twin sister and her fiance were freezing their rear-ends off. They've spent their entire vacation wrapped in quilts, huddled together on the couch. I think they're secretly looking forward to when they feel the warm humidity on their skin in a few days.

I love how these pictures turned out. The red against the white world looks so beautiful.

Scenes from Christmas

2011-12-29T11:09:00.000-07:00

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! I've been enjoying my days off from teaching, spending every waking moment with my twin sister before she heads back to Florida. I loved being home this Christmas with my whole family together. We spent hours staring at my nephew, eating our favorite Christmas foods, and enjoying each others company.

My mom has her original santa stocking that her mom made for her when she was born and has created her families stockings from the same pattern. The past few years we've added more stockings to the mantel as each of us has gotten married and now even the first grand baby has his very own santa stocking.

It's hard to believe that Christmas is already over and in just a few days it will be a brand new year. I always feel a little sad when the year ends. But then again we have a fresh start to look forward too...an empty calendar with days that will be filled with more happy memories and new adventures :)

The Family Tree

2011-12-19T05:00:00.007-07:00

My parents started a Christmas tradition before any of their daughters were born and now my sisters and I have continued this traditions with our own families.

Wherever the year would take us, whether to our yearly summer vacation to Vail or my dad's worldly adventures to Hungry or China, we would make sure to find something special to hang on the tree to help us remember that time. But the thing I love most about our tradition is that it doesn't have to be your typical Christmas tree ornament, although we do have plenty of those. We love finding the most bizarre representations from our trips, gluing a ribbon to the top, and hanging it on our tree.

Each ornament that comes out of the bag has meaning and so many memories attached to it. And we love looking at our odd collection of ornaments, laughing and saying, "You won't find that on any one else's tree!"

Today I stayed and helped my family put up our tree. We untangled the strings and ribbons and began filling the empty branches with our old memories.

When we were little, my parents made decorating the tree into such a special evening. I remember helping my mom pour eggnog into the vintage santa mugs. My dad would turn on the stereo and we would listen to our favorite Christmas songs as we began the process of decorating the tree...something we had been waiting anxiously all year to do again.

When we were finished, we would turn off all the lights and the let the tiny colored bulbs fill the room with that warm Christmasy glow. We would sit around the tree while my parents read Christmas stories and on most nights we couldn't wait to play our favorite family games, Parcheesi and Uno.

Even today I can close my eyes and I can remember exactly the way the house smelled just like Christmas. How the lights on the tree and in the windows made me feel safe and comforted. And how excited we were to be together as a family.

This Christmas we have a new family member to share all of our traditions with. I know my nephew is still too small to join in on the fun, but I think he'll enjoy laying under the tree looking up at the lights while his family around him laughs, reminisces, and pulls out the old board games.

Only two more days of school and then I am on my way home to fully enjoy this special time of year.

Showered

2011-12-18T17:04:00.000-07:00

My twin sister, Kate, and her fiance, Bobby, are HERE! They made it home to Colorado Friday afternoon and I don't think I've stopped smiling since. Now it feels like Christmas, now we can be a complete family once again.

This weekend my sister had her bridal shower. It was beautiful and so many of her friends and soon to be new family members were able to come together to help her celebrate her upcoming wedding.

The groom made a special appearance during one of the games

And of course a Redente shower would not be complete without a beautiful handmade quilt from my mom.

My sister is getting married on Sanibel Island in Florida. It will be an intimate ceremony on the beach with just our immediate families.

I cannot wait to be a part of her special day.

Did You Know I Had a Birthday This Year?

2011-12-11T20:28:00.000-07:00

I did.

I turned the big 2-7 last month along with my twin sister. We seem to be edging closer and closer to 30 every year. Funny how that works. 27 always seemed so far away, but here it is.

Year 26 was great. I spent so much of my year truly soul searching. I wish I could say that when the clock struck 12 on my birthday I magically had all the answers...but I didn't. I do however, feel more at ease with where my life is at this moment in time.

I was listening to one of my favorite songs the other day...Dream by Priscilla Ahn. I love this song and every time I listen to it I feel like the song was written for me.

I know my soul searching isn't over...is it ever really? I know that year 27 is going to be filled with incredible things, people, places. I'm excited for this next year of life. I'm always striving to be a better person, a better wife, friend, sister, daughter. This will be a year of big changes and I'm ready with my new perspective to take on all the challenges that are coming my way. And I might still have to ask occasionally if this is where I'm supposed to be...but that's okay. I know if I take a moment, close my eyes, and take a deep breath things always look clearer.

I think I'm liking being 27...

Love Story {Part III} Fate is in Charge

2011-12-10T21:51:00.002-07:00

Do you believe in fate?

I do. I absolutely do...looking back at all the events in my life that have brought me to where I am today, there's not even a question about it.

When I started my freshman year at the University of Northern Colorado I was ready to be bold, brave, and meet new friends. But before I did any of that I went and found my best friend in the dorm next door.

I walked up the creaky wooden staircase and down the narrow hallway and knocked softly on the door that had "Wolfe" written on it in R.A. handwriting. Martin opened the door and his face lit up. My face lit up. I was so happy to see him.

We were inseparable. It was like nothing had come between us. He didn't act like I had broken his heart a few months earlier, and for that I was so thankful.

Our freshman year we did everything together. We ate every dinner together at 4:30 sharp. Martin knew that being in a crowded dining hall made me anxious, so he made sure to meet me for dinner right when the doors opened...e v e r y day. We walked across campus and found quiet study corners in the library. We went for late night runs. We spent hours in the practice rooms. I listened to him practice the violin, he listened to me play the piano. On warm days we found trees with lots of shade and laid out our textbooks underneath. We talked instead of studied. We laughed until we couldn't breathe. We had connected again. We were falling in love again, but for some reason I couldn't recognize that.

I remember talking with my roommate during a late night get to know you session. We sat across from each other on our tiny beds. She asked me if Martin was my boyfriend. I immediately said, "No! We're just friends." She smiled at me and said, "Well you never know. Sometimes those are the ones we end up with."

"Uh, huh, yeah..." I said. She wasn't the first to ask me the status of Martin and my relationship. Couldn't people tell we were just friends? "Just because you spend every moment with someone doesn't make them your boyfriend!" I thought defensively to myself.

Everybody could see it but me. It was so clear to those around us. My family and friends. Even to Martin.

. . . . .

It was spring and we had been at school for almost a year.

We were hanging out in Martin's dorm room listening to Van Morrison when he looked at me and told me he loved me. I remember exactly where we were sitting, the way his voice sounded. I remember looking at him for a long time, then I put my head down and quietly said with a smile, "I love you too." He wrapped his arms around me and I sunk into his hug. It felt right...it felt perfect. This was who I was supposed to be with. I didn't know why I hadn't admitted it earlier.

We spent the next three years growing in our relationship...surviving the stresses of college, surviving life altering moments, growing more and more in love each day. I never wanted to leave his side. But I knew that in a few short months I would have no choice but to leave as I finished my student teaching. I was positive I would be placed with my first choice. That I would get to move home to Fort Collins...a short 30 minute drive from Martin.

As I opened my placement envelope the words Aurora, CO seemed to jump from the page. I was in utter shock. I hadn't even chosen this city as an option. Didn't the placement committee know I had a serious boyfriend!? Didn't they care that they were separating to people destined to be together?

They didn't.

And I began to cry.

Love Story {Part I}

Love Story {Part 11} A Mild Lapse in Judgment

Love Story {Part II} A Mild Lapse in Judgement

2011-11-30T19:12:00.000-07:00

Our senior year of high school was coming to an end. It was coming too fast and I wasn't ready for everything I had always known to be gone forever. At least that's how I felt being a dramatic teenager. My friends, my home, my family. Everything would soon be very different.

Change is incredibly hard for me. I become an emotional roller coaster wishing that I could hold onto the way things were for just a moment longer. I pull away from those I care about...I become consumed with my own thoughts trying to accept the changes that are occurring around me. As the weather grew warmer and our senioritis became stronger I began to pull away from my first love.

I remember it was the last day of our senior year, a day that should have been filled with celebrations and excitement. But inside Martin's car we sat in silence. It was late and my family was already sleeping inside as we sat awkwardly in front of the mailbox. I kept my head down as I tearfully explained that "It was me! Not you!" This had come out of the blue. I hadn't given him any warning. He put his head down and wouldn't look at me. I apologized over and over and knew it would be best if I left him alone. I couldn't handle our relationship when my life felt like it was spiraling out of control. I wanted my last summer at home to naively be just like it had been when I was five...no cares in the world, not packing up my life to fit in a tiny dorm room, not getting ready to say goodbye to my twin sister.

I shut the car door quietly and walked the walk of shame up the driveway not looking back. I had hurt my best friend...I had hurt myself.

. . . . .

When fall arrived I started at the University of Northern Colorado as a single college freshman. I was excited that a few of my good friends were attending the same school, but the person I was secretly the most excited to see was Martin.

just call me Mary Tyler Moore...

Coming Soon: Love Story {Part III) Fate is in Charge

Love Story {Part I}

He's Here!

2011-11-20T18:12:00.002-07:00

Sanford Edward Backos

My sweet little nephew was born this morning at 4:01am. An early bird, just like his parents.

He is perfect.

When I walked into the hospital room today there was my sister, with her son against her chest.
She's a mom.
Wow.
What an amazing journey that has just begun.

I held him for a long time, just starring at his little features. His tiny little nose, soft baby skin, and wrinkly little toes. I can't believe he's finally here...after waiting to see who this little person would be for 9 months. He was the little one we talked to and made plans for for so long. And now he has finally joined our family.

Congratulations to my sister and her husband! They have brought a beautiful life into this world.

Love Story {Part I}

2011-11-16T19:23:00.002-07:00

I know I have shared lots of bits and pieces of my love story to my husband, but I've felt inspired by other bloggers to document our journey together in a series of posts. If anything, for me to remember, and an excuse to find really embarrassing pictures of my husband from yesteryear.

Our story starts like so many before us and so many stories that are still to come after ours. It started with curiosity...and bugs.

My favorite class in high school was orchestra. It was my first two classes of the day. I loved the way the light came in through the windows in the morning and I loved sharing hours with my closest friends playing beautiful music. Seriously, what could be better? It was my junior year of high school and I had the privelage of being in a small chamber orchestra...don't ask why or how...let's just say playing the violin wasn't exactly my forte. But I blended in well and learned how to let the more experienced players play loudly over me. More experienced players like Martin. He was...is...a great musician. His violin had a little carved head at the scroll with red eyes. It was awesome. He had a Sponge Bob Square Pants sticker on his violin case. He was so cool. Everyone laughed at every joke he told. He was friends with everyone. He was creative...artistic.

I had to get to know him better.

One of my first memories of this mysterious renaissance boy was during a free period at school. We were all hanging out in the commons talking about really important high school things. Martin was intrigued by a moth fluttering against the closed window. He walked over, wacked it with his palm, picked it up, and stuck it in his mouth. I'm sure it was some sort of male courting ritual of some sort because I was so grossed out that I felt the need to hang out with him even more. What crazy thing would he do next??

There had never been a point in my life until that time where I felt more spontaneous and care free. I ate my first bug that next summer (a mealworm in a sticky green sucker). I remember dancing on picnic tables under the stars, opening confetti cans in the car while we blasted the air conditioning...finding little bits of colorful paper months later stuck to our rear-ends by static.

We taught each other new things...we filled the empty gaps we had in our lives. I remember feeling safe and more happy then I ever had in my life. I would listen to the mixed CD he had made me over and over and over. Every song reminded me of him, every song made me want to be near him. Even today when I hear Coldplay's song Yellow, I get butterflies in my stomach. When I hear Norah Jones sing, I'm taken back to the folk festival we went to. Sitting in the blazing heat, just to hear her sing Come Away With Me. It was magical to say the least.

I was only 17, but I had met someone who loved me for exactly who I was. I could be exactly who I was when I was with him. That was the greatest feeling in the world.

Coming Soon: Love Story {Part II)

melting

2011-11-06T18:54:00.002-07:00

The last of the snow seemed to melt away today leaving lots of mud and dried crispy leaves. We had another big snow storm this past week which resulted in a teacher's miracle...a snow day! I'm thinking the district probably felt a little silly calling it because by lunch time the sun was out and the roads were clear. Oh well, I'm not complaining.

Things are starting to get busy around school as we begin our decent to winter vacation. I get to start slowly teaching again after having my student teacher teach solo for the past three weeks. It's been a nice little break, but I'm ready to jump in again.

As we all keep moving busily forward it seems my older sister's life has slowed down as she is waiting patiently for her little boy to make his appearance. Maybe this week's snow storm will bring with it my little nephew.

Hope everyone has a wonderful week!

Fall Engagement Session

2011-11-02T13:54:00.002-06:00

One of the sweetest and nicest couples I know! Kate teaches at the same school as me and I was so excited when she asked me to take her engagement pictures! Her fiance, Erling, asked her to marry him on the first day of school over a homemade sushi dinner :)

Here are a few of my favorites. Enjoy!

happy halloween

2011-10-31T05:00:00.002-06:00

Happy Halloween friends! There's not too much going on in the Wolfe household tonight...I think we'll lay low and snuggle on the couch while the cats prance around the living room in their black fur coats...this is their special night after all.

Enjoy your Hallows Eve :)

the first snow is magical

2011-10-26T21:47:00.000-06:00

It started raining right around 5pm yesterday just as they had predicted. I don't know exactly when the rain turned to snow, but when we woke up everything was white and fresh.

I knew it had snowed before I opened my eyes. There's a muffled quiet and a certain glow from the window that only snow makes. It really is magical and makes Christmas feel even closer.

The pine trees faired much better than others. The snow was wet and heavy and broke so many branches...my parents backyard looks like war zone and the poor cherry tree whose branches created such a beautiful arch above the walking path didn't survive.

I felt sorry for Martin as he left for work this morning, I guess someone might get a craving for a good sushi dinner on this cold night and he'll be there to make it. I tried to stay warm today and snuggled on the couch piled with blankets and two black cats. Our apartment felt cozy with the fall candles burning, the dryer going and Gilmore Girls on (thanks Mia!) We watched the snow falling outside the windows and I was determined to get all of my household chores done today while I was stuck inside.

Tomorrow is already supposed to be much warmer and I'm sure the snow will begin to melt as quickly as it appeared. Winter is just warming up for it's big show in a couple of months and I'm sure by then we will all be tired of our world around us being covered in white. But there can only be one first snow of the season and it always seems to put a little excitement into our spirits.

Happy Christmas Dance

2011-10-25T22:16:00.001-06:00

Christmas is coming...in exactly two months

and we are very excited!

paleo chicken salad-- otherwise known as what I eat almost every day

2011-10-24T22:23:00.000-06:00

This recipe was created especially for me by my Chef Husband...it's simple and tasty and Jessica tweaked. It can also be prepared ahead of time and eaten off of for days.

The Recipe: according to me

Roasted chicken breast cut into tiny tiny pieces so it is hidden amongst the other ingredients
1 bag of grapes cut into halves
About 4-6 celery stalks sliced into little pieces
2 spoonfuls of mayonnaise
Chill in refrigerator

The other night, Sunday night around 10pm to be exact, I begged my husband to please make my chicken salad for me so I could go to bed and be well rested for school the next day. I told him he would do such a great job because cooking is his specialty. The next day at lunch I dove into my lunch...what was that in my salad? A nut?! And why did it taste different?? Martin had tried to be fancy with my chicken salad...something he knows is a big no no.

I think he secretly changed my recipe so I wouldn't ask him to make my chicken salad at 10pm anymore...he's very smart. Although the changes may not have been noticeable by the naked eye, I have the ability to tell the slightest differences in any recipe I have mastered...right mom?

The Recipe: according to Chef Martin

1 medium roasted chicken, skinned, and cut into small cubes
2 cups of halved grapes
1 cup diced celery
3/4 cup of chopped Walnuts
1/2 cup of Mayonnaise (enough to coat ingredients)
Pepper to taste
2 T red wine vinegar
Chill in refrigerator

I'm sure you will enjoy either version

It's the weekend! Which means we're at the park...

2011-10-23T19:56:00.001-06:00

My husband had another weekend day off! I could get used to this...we felt like normal people today enjoying a Sunday together lounging at the park and exploring the new Ikea. We found a spot on the grass amongst the geese and ate our Unwiches from Jimmy Johns. The park is always busy on a Sunday afternoon. I don't like to be busy at the park, I like to sit and people watch and take lots of pictures of Martin.

I think every tree was showing off its fall colors and the leaves were falling from the branches like snow. We enjoyed the warm sun knowing that by Wednesday we could actually have snow. Leave it to Colorado to be 70 degrees one day and snowing the next.

Maybe it will be nice to have a few chilly snowy days during my break...it will force me to stay in, snuggled under blankets, watching my favorite movies...okay maybe I won't have to be forced.

Crooked

2011-10-22T21:16:00.003-06:00

The other weekend my parents were in town. We were all gathered together talking about what the newest member of our family will look like...will he have dark hair like my sister? Will he be blonde like my brother-in-law? Will he have a Redente nose or Backos nose...both representing their European country respectably.

I stared at my parents.

Who did I look like?

I asked my parents' opinion. My mom told me I looked more like my dad. I stared at my dad. I have his oval face. His Italian coloring. But my other features seem to be a perfect blend between the two. I told my parents jokingly I would have appreciated a more symmetrical face.

"My smile is crooked," I said. "One side goes up higher than the other."

My dad tilted his head to the side, looked at me inquisitively, and said, "Only sometimes, but that's you...that's Jessica."

I looked at my amazingly beautiful and very symmetrical older sister. "Do you like everything about the way you look? You never complain." She told me that even if she doesn't like something, she can't change it, so she accepts it. Very sound advice.

I've despised my crooked smile since I noticed it in my 7th grade school picture. I've spent hours in front of the mirror trying to figure out how to smile so both sides of my face are the same. An incredible waste of time for something I cannot change.

The moment my dad said those words, 'That's Jessica', something changed inside of me. I don't know why it's taken thirteen years or why it was that exact moment. I think I finally saw it from my parent's perspective. They wondered for nine months who I would look like and when I finally arrived they undoubtedly spent hours staring at their new baby...excited that she had her daddy's eyes and her mom's fingers. Not caring for one moment that her smile was crooked.

I am their daughter, their creation, I am made up of bits and pieces from both of them. I'm proud to look like both of my beautiful parents...two of the people I admire most on this earth.

Although neither of them have a crooked smile, that's just something unique to me, I think I'm okay with being the only one in my family with this quality.

That's just me.

Every Leaf Speaks Bliss To Me...

2011-10-20T20:11:00.000-06:00

There's a quiet street that I drive down on my way home from school. It's lined with the most vibrant fall colors you could ever imagine being in the middle of a big city.

Today was a perfect fall day. Just the right amount of warm, not a cloud in the sky...and a kindergarten field trip. We survived. We're exahusted. The kids had the most exciting time. We ventured to our local library and the local museum. I think the best part was the bus ride and having lunch in the huge grassy field next to the grand court house.

I sat in the sun as the kids around me ate their ham and cheese sandwiches. I listened to their little conversations they had...so excited that their teacher was eating lunch with them, except when I told them they had to eat their sandwich first before their dessert. I heard myself saying the same things my parents had said to me, "Three more bites...no, three more BIG bites."

I watched from a distance as a couple, hand in hand, walked up the courthouse stairs. She had on a white dress. He was in a suite. I smiled. They were getting married on such a perfect fall day.

Tomorrow is our last day of school before we begin our Fall Break. I can't wait to have some time to myself and to catch up on life.

Last Year

2011-10-12T14:26:00.003-06:00

We have nine more days until Fall Break. It has me thinking a lot about last year at this time. Martin and I were planning for our trip to Oregon, but we actually didn't know if we were going to be able to go at first. We had just received the life changing news that Martin had lost his job...do we still go? Our plane tickets are bought. Are we making a smart choice going on a vacation when we are down to one income again?

We had a million questions and thoughts running through our heads, but in the end we decided that we needed to go. Go and clear our heads in the beautiful state of Oregon. Figure out where our lives were going next.

So we went. And we loved it.

We had decided to originally go with the thought that this is the place we would move to someday. We wanted to explore and check it out...would we fit in? Could we see ourselves living here?

Yes and Yes.

Maybe someday Oregon will be in our future plans. But for now we like to talk about our time we shared together, dealing with and solving our first major crisis as a married couple. It was just the two of us alone, thinking and wondering about our future. We were in control...it was up to us to figure it out.

It was on that trip that my husband and I decided that going back to school would be his best option. He decided on culinary school. With all his options, that was the one he kept going back to, that was the choice that made him the most excited. Martin had been given a second chance...losing his job had been a blessing in disguise. I can see that now.

When I feel uncertain about my future I think about this time in our lives. It all worked out. We survived...we took a leap of faith, jumping with our eyes closed, holding hands and not letting go.

Martin and I have been thinking a lot about next year. We have that excited feeling in the pit of our stomaches again. We're dreaming of new adventures...we feel excited about new possibilities and new surroundings.
It might be time to take another leap of faith...

The Bread I Shall Not Eat

2011-10-11T21:37:00.000-06:00

There lies the bread. Glazed in warm butter with a side of cinnamon butter.

I think the rolls were secretly laughing at me...

I've been struggling lately with trying to eat clean...being true to Paleo. This past month has been stressful and busy and as a result I grab for things that are easy to eat, but not necessarily what my body needs. I can tell such a difference in how I feel. I'm nauseous again, I'm tired. And on top of it all I got a mean ulcer...not fun. But I'm at it again, trying my best, healing my body once again.

It's amazing what I'll tell myself so I don't feel bad about eating things I can't, "It's okay if you eat that piece of bread Jessica, you'll probably feel sick afterwards, but it's SO WORTH IT!"

Then I do feel sick and I kick myself for my decision.

Since I've cut gluten out of my diet I feel like my body is even more sensitive to it and I can really feel when it is in my system. I'm still learning every day...it's a mental obstacle more than anything for me. If it wasn't for my husband I don't know what I would do. He encourages me everyday, telling me I can do it. He's my biggest role model.

. . .

I stared at those buttered rolls for a long time...I even thought about stuffing a whole one in my mouth while Martin went to the bathroom. But I mustered up my self control, ordered my chicken, and even ignored the croutons in my salad. It may seem insignificant, but small victories like this make me feel like I can do it again tomorrow.

My body thanks me.

I Live Now

2011-10-01T19:59:00.000-06:00

Today was such a beautiful fall day. Martin and I headed to one of our usual parks to spend some much needed time together. This week has been a little up and down. I ruffled some feathers in our love nest, bringing up subjects of conversation that I knew we were going to end up disagreeing about, but I did it anyways, because somedays that's just what I'm best at.

But the hardest thing about the week wasn't the argument, it was the fact I couldn't see or talk to my husband for a whole week after it happened. I needed to apologize, to be able to look directly in his eyes and tell him how sorry I was, but he was at work when I got home from school and I went to work when he was still sleeping. We needed to sort through the things that were said...but his thirteen hour days don't make it easy to communicate.

I'm still getting used to this new career of his...people warned us that when he entered the restaurant world I would basically never see him again. There are always adjustment periods when life takes a new path. Someday we'll look back at this time and we'll be able to see how it made us stronger than ever. That without trials in our lives we wouldn't appreciate the things that matter the most...

I'm thankful for the time that we do have together. And that today we could lay in the grass, close our eyes, and feel safe because we are with each other. That we could finally catch up on a whole weeks worth of conversations. That I could watch my husband show off his newly acquired ability to do a handstand.

I wouldn't want to miss these little moments for the world.

On Being a Twin: Part 4

2011-09-29T20:08:00.000-06:00

2004

Lately I've been missing my twin sister more than ever. I miss her every day of course, but somedays I feel it more. Maybe today because I didn't get to actually talk to her on the phone. Or maybe because life is feeling complicated right now and I just need my other half here with me and me with her. It can be hard to know what to do when half of you is missing...

I've talked before about how we have a closeness that is stronger than any other relationship we'll ever have. Martin often wonders why I always want him around ALL the time, sitting right next to me...a little closer, please? just a little closer? Our family still wonders why Kate and I have a hard time going to the grocery store alone or the post office by ourselves...we blame it entirely on being a twin.

2004

I really had never done anything by myself until I went off to college. The day we went our separate ways was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. I can remember the moment vividly, our eyes spilling with tears, not wanting to let go from our hug. Knowing that the second we did let go, things would never be quite the same. I watched my sister walk out to the car and I turned away as she drove off. The pain we felt was almost debilitating.

I remember sitting in my dorm room a few days later, willing myself to walk to class...alone, without my sister by my side. All the way across campus, pretending like I had walked somewhere by myself millions of times before. Kate and I had walked every day to elementary school together, sat with each other on the bus on the way to junior high, and fought over who had to drive that day to our high school. I watched the other students from my window wondering how they made it look so easy. How in the world were they able to be so brave without their twin next to them?? Why were the simplest things the hardest to do alone? I felt awkward and exposed being by myself. I had always had another shadow walking beside mine.

As we drifted through our college years I felt as if I was learning to walk again, talk again, be me. I met new friends and they knew me just as Jessica, not "Kate and Jessica". Being a twin didn't seem to be defining who I was anymore. I felt uncertain in my new role as myself, but in a way it was exciting and I began to slowly spread my own wings. We were having our own experiences, some we wished we could share, others we wanted to keep for ourselves.

2004

The weekends when I could drive to Boulder or when Kate could come visit me felt as exciting as Christmas morning. We would sit in our dorm rooms and talk and talk, not wanting anyone else to join in on our conversation...like our own little secret Twins Society, where only twins named Kate and Jessica were allowed. We felt so relieved to be in each others company.

Now, almost ten years from when we first said goodbye...when we thought we would never leave each other again, we've said goodbye too many times to count. Life has taken us our different ways again, but we know someday we'll be back in the comfort of each other. We're still learning how to be on our own...how to live our lives without the other one being right there beside us. Some days are harder than others. Some days we have to keep ourselves from spontaneously buying a plane ticket and moving to where the other one is. Somedays I forget how to walk down the sidewalk without Kate next to me. But then there are the days where we are thriving on our individuality, when we are growing in our own relationships, our careers. It's become a balancing act. Keeping part of us true to being a twin and growing the other part of us in our own distinct way.

we found fall and it is magical

2011-09-25T14:56:00.006-06:00

The weather has been changing here in Colorado. The mornings are crisp and cool, the days are still hot. I love this time of year. We sleep with the window cracked open so we can feel the cool night air as we fall asleep under blankets for the first time in months. You can feel the change of season in everything you do...it feels good to have a change. I'm always ready for a change when life throws curveballs my way...I want to move past it, be a part of something new. I want to breathe new air and look at my surroundings in a different light.

Yesterday was the perfect fall day. The perfect day to take in something new. Martin surprisingly had a Saturday off from work (which never happens) so he came up with a plan that would take us on a tour of the mountain roads and we would be able to spend some much needed time together. It felt good to get away from the noisy city and to just sit for hours next to my husband in the car.

Van Morrison and Bob Dylan serenaded us as we climbed higher and higher. We had the windows down and could feel the temperature drop and the air became cool and fresh. I didn't mind that the wind was whipping my hair around into knots, it felt nice having the breeze against my face and the warm sun on my arms. I could see Martin out of the corner of my eye, beaming...taking deep breathes of mountain air. He loves the mountains, I think they help ground him back to reality and give him a new dose of energy.

We pulled off to the side of the road...it was peaceful and quiet. All you could hear was the wind in the pine trees and the grasshoppers chirping. I looked around asking myself, "Is this really where I live? Why do I not appreciate this more?" I need to appreciate this more.

We kept driving, twisting and turning up the mountain. It was just us on the road for a long time. I kept thinking about what Walt Whitman had written..that becoming the best person means growing in the open air and to eat and sleep with the earth. If we all took in the amazing world that we live in each day, how could we want to do anything bad or wrong? I don't think we could...we would all be so mesmerized by beauty that we would only do beautiful things.

. . .

We drove until we were forced to stop because of all the people creating a parking lot in the middle of the street. What could they be looking at that was causing such a commotion? A moose?

Oh.

It was breathtaking.

I wish it could have just been Martin and I. We would have sat down by the side of the road and just taken it in slowly for hours.

But we weren't the only ones enjoying the scenery so we dodged the tourists and screaming children back to our car. Took one last look at the golden Aspen trees and headed to Lyons, the small town where we had gotten married.

We enjoyed our lunch at Oskar Blues, the local brewpub, while a Polka band played below us on the patio. We felt the warm sun on our faces and looked out at the mountain where we had said our vows. We people watched until we were both too hot and craved some shade.

I wish we had more days like this, instead of our hectic daily schedules. But I guess when they are so far and few in between we don't take them for granted and we soak in every moment together.

We ended the day up in Fort Collins and decided to surprise my parents. We talked for a while on the back porch while the sun began to set. I loved being able to go home, even if it was for a short time. And I loved being in the mountains. I can see why Martin loves them so much, they put your life back into perspective. When you look at something so much grander than you, the only thing that seems to matter is making your life the way you want to live it. Forgetting about all the things society is telling us to care about...letting go of anything that makes you unhappy.

I am learning how to do this and I feel like with each changing season I am getting better at it.

It truly was a perfect day.

A Tyrannosaurus Rex Named Sue

2011-09-22T12:21:00.001-06:00

When we were in elementary school I remember our music teacher put on a show for the families about Dinosaurs.

We worked for weeks making giant dinosaurs out of paper, learning our songs that we would sing for our parents, and practicing the choreography. On the night of the big show I remember dressing like a Flintstone, having my mom pull my hair as tightly as she could into the highest pony tail possible and wearing an outfit that a respectable cave girl would have most definitely worn...leggings and an animal print top.

I distinctly remember the song about the Tyrannosaurus Rex. I remember belting it out at the top of my lungs thinking it was the most amazing song I had ever sung, "TYRANNASAURUS!!! REX REX REX REX REX REX REX!" We put our elbows close to our bodies creating tiny T-Rex arms and slashed them in the air.

Occasionally my twin sister and I will still belt out the Tyrannosaurus song while driving in the car or walking through the grocery store.

This week it was Free Educator's Night at the Denver Museum of Nature and Science. If you want teachers to come to anything, just make it free and we're there. I always love going places with large gatherings of teachers...it's one of the best places to people watch.

haha I love it

We got to experience the new exhibit about a T-Rex named Sue (the oldest T-Rex ever found) and explore the museum without doing a head count of our students every two minutes...1, 2, 3, 4, 5...wait where's Juan!!?

It was pure bliss.

A September Shower

2011-09-17T20:50:00.000-06:00

Today we celebrated my big sister, Elizabeth, and her little boy, who will make his appearance soon into this world.

It was such a special weekend filled with family and friends...our sister Kate even got to fly home from Florida for the special occasion! Kate and I have been planning the shower for months now, planning every detail, making sure everything was perfect.

I got these adorable straws here

It's so amazing to see my big sister preparing for the role of motherhood. She is going to make an amazing mother, I know this because she has practiced on Kate and I for the last 26 years :)

She looked so beautiful today...it's true what they say, pregnant women really do glow. I imagine it's because they are filled with so much happiness and joy it just oozes out of them.

9 more weeks!

people are friendlier in the midwest

2011-09-11T17:14:00.000-06:00

I just got back from a very special wedding.

Remember these two adorable people?

A few weeks after I took Meg and Cass's engagement pictures they asked me to travel to Nebraska and be their wedding photographer for their September wedding. I was excited, scared, nervous. Taking someones wedding pictures is not something to be taken lightly. I felt a little...well somedays a lot unsure about having said yes. I practiced and practiced, read everything I could and finally the weekend had arrived.

The moment I got to the church I was welcomed into their families with great big open arms and lots of food. Seriously, midwesterners are the NICEST people I've ever met. Strangers say hello to each other, they feed you lots and lots of food, and on one of the biggest weekends of their life they are asking if you need anything. As my mom and I drove to the church on Friday evening, we noticed a little white haired lady strolling down the sidewalk. A car passed her and she stopped, turned, and gave them the biggest wave her small frame could muster. Then a motorcycle passed ten seconds later and again she stopped and waved. When we got closer to her I wondered if she just knew everyone in the neighborhood or if we would get a friendly wave too.

We got a friendly wave too.

I'm pretty sure if you were to wave to people walking down the street in Denver they would think you were a crazy person. There's just something special about small American towns.

The weekend went by quickly and before I knew it my mom and I were driving along I-80 once again through wheat field after wheat field. It was a beautiful weekend, full of beautiful weather, beautiful people, and a beautiful wedding.

27

2011-09-05T16:47:00.001-06:00

Today is my husband's 27th Birthday.
Another year gone in the blink of an eye.

I can't believe how much Martin has been through in just one year...changing careers is a big decision and I'm so glad he followed his heart. I know this next year will be good to him :)

{I've always loved a man in a uniform}

I remember when I first met Martin. He had just turned 17 and we were slowly becoming friends. It's amazing to think that we've celebrated 10 birthdays together.

I wonder what Martin would have said if he had been told that ten years from when this picture was taken he would be an amazing chef and be married to the girl sitting next to him?

When you meet someone so young you are lucky enough to watch them grow into who they want to become. Ten years later Martin is still very much the guy I met in high school. He lives his life each day to its fullest...never dwelling on anything negative. He beats to his own drum, which is what I love about him, never caring what others think. He walks with his head held high and a big grin on his face. He's goofy and silly and he makes me laugh. He has worked so hard to be where he is today and I am so proud of him.

Happy Birthday to my dearest husband. I can't even begin to imagine my life without you. You make everyday...every moment better and I am so blessed be by your side year after year.

i love this room

2011-09-02T21:33:00.001-06:00

Here it is :) My older sister's nursery.

Perfect for a baby boy.

It fits my family's motto that my mom has instilled in us since we were little...simple, yet elegant.

a year later

2011-08-31T19:56:00.000-06:00

I was so excited to take pictures of Jake and Ivy again, almost a year later! They've both grown so much since the last time I saw them and I think I've grown so much as a photographer. The last time I visited my parent's home I rummaged through my old desk and pulled out my old photography notebooks from my high school days. I slowly began re-learning all the nitty gritty details and have spent many many hours taking picture after picture using every setting combination on my camera. I've gotten a lot of good practice chasing my cats around the apartment trying to capture their every waking moment of cuteness.

Here are a few of my favorites from the photo shoot!

New Name

2011-08-29T21:24:00.001-06:00

I hope you don't mind.

I changed the title of my blog.

It's still me. And I'm still here writing about the things I love.

Thanks for reading along!

i love the smell of dryer sheets in the morning

2011-08-27T22:20:00.001-06:00

When I was little I never minded vacuuming the house or dusting the furniture...and I often did these things without being told. I loved surprising my mom when she got home from work. I couldn't wait to point out all the things I had perfectly cleaned for her.

My family still jokes about how different my twin sister and I are when it comes to cleaning. One of our favorite phrases growing up was, "Looks like a bomb hit Kate's room again!" But I would always come to her rescue when she was told to get her room cleaned up right now. She would be sitting on her bed, sniffling, and wondering how she would get things put away before dinner. I would quietly knock on her door, sneak in without being seen, and secretly help her put things away. I'm sure my parents knew it was always me who cleaned it...

Now as an adult, when my home is in order, my life feels in order...even when it's not. I can deceive myself into feeling like everything is the way it should be and it puts my mind at ease.

Last week amidst the chaos of my life, my sweet husband came to my rescue and cleaned the apartment for me while I was at work. The giant pile of laundry had been folded and put away, the floors vacuumed, the bed made. It was such a wonderful surprise. And I'm still finding surprises, like finding my dress pants folded in my pajama drawer :)

New Day New Dress

2011-08-25T21:08:00.003-06:00

Last night my husband took me out on a date.

I knew it was a real date because he let me choose where we got to eat.

There was a card waiting for me when I got home. It said it hoped my heart was happy today and it was...because I got to spend the evening with Martin laughing and enjoying his company.

I know life has its ups and downs. And I know it's about how we react to situations that make our lives what they will be. I am pulling every ounce of strength I have to be positive and know that this is my life...and I can't let it be effected by a few bad apples. It's a new day and there are so many things to be grateful for. I'm done dwelling on the negative and I'm ready to look forward to all the happy things in my future.

Thank you readers for your kind words, they mean the world to me :)

{My dress}

smile when your heart is breaking

2011-08-23T20:58:00.000-06:00

Truth time...today was the hardest day of teaching I've ever experienced. I got home and completely broke down, crying until there were no more tears left to cry. But after pep talks from everyone closest to me and advice that will get me through I can wake up and go again tomorrow. And maybe I'll need a little encouragement everyday this year, but that's what my family is for.

This evening I took a long, long, long, hot shower to calm myself down (sorry neighbors if you no longer have any hot water)and when I went to take out my contacts I saw this in the case. My eyelash had formed the perfect smiley face. It was looking up at me telling me that life was going to be okay.

And of course this little guy makes me smile everyday, especially when he sleeps in my husband's underwear basket.

Nursery Project

2011-08-21T21:13:00.000-06:00

I had to share a little project for all you moms-to-be out there in bloggerland (and my there are a lot of you! :)

My older sister and I headed to the craft store to start a very important nursery project. The teacher in me knew my little nephew needed some sort of educational wall art and I had found this inspiration on Etsy a while back and fell in love.

We knew that we could create our own alphabet wall ourselves...using less money and making it fit the nursery perfectly.

My mom has sewn everything for the nursery using the most adorable fabric filled with blue, green, orange, and a hint of yellow. The perfect choice for a little boy.

There are just a few letters left waiting to get their face lift...but all in all I think they look PERFECT!

I can't wait to show you the finished room very soon. My sister and brother-in-law have done such a great job.

July Wedding

2011-08-20T12:30:00.000-06:00

I met Bill and Anne through a mutual friend at work. They were looking for a photographer for their July wedding...someone who was maybe just starting out. That was me :) I'm so honored that they asked me to photograph their special day, trusting in me. I learned so much from that day...mostly about being brave and confident. It was such a beautiful day in Castlewood Canyon State Park, the rain held off, and their closest family and friends were able to witness the marriage of two people very much in love. Here are just a few of my favorites.

the power of words

2011-08-15T21:36:00.001-06:00

School started today and it was not the day I had been envisioning for the past three months. I was praying and hoping that my fifth year would be THE year...the year with mild behavior problems, a year where I could get through a week without feeling emotionally let down and drained. Maybe year six?

Maybe.

I've known and have always known that where I teach takes more patience then you ever thought you had in you and the thickest of skin. It's rough, it's tough, it's not always pretty. Sometimes I just don't understand...I can't understand. And I shake my head in confusion and want to shout at the heavens to make things right.

I came across this quote and I think it is so powerful.

“From the moment a child begins to speak, he is taught to respect the word; he is taught how to use the word and how not to use it. The word is all-powerful, because it can build a man up, but it can also tear him down. That’s how powerful it is. So a child is taught to use words tenderly and never against anyone; a child is told never to take anyone’s name or reputation in vain.”

Henry Old Coyote

Crow Tribe Author,excerpt from Respect for Life

Don't you wish all parents upheld this responsibility? Sometimes I have the sneaky feeling that parents don't think this is their responsibility. It is their responsibility. It's our responsibility to show our children that we must be careful with our thoughts, our actions, our words. That these things become who we are.

Today, as one of my new friends thought it was funny as he defiantly shouted from his lungs that Kindergarten was "so boring" and that I was "evil Mrs. Wolfe", I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and tried to remind myself that this child has not been taught the power of words. He has not been taught to respect this life he's been given and to show that respect to those around him.

Oh my.

It's going to be a long year.

my best friend is a model

2011-08-15T00:00:00.045-06:00

Well, I think so anyways :) She's actually a first grade teacher and I'm sure all the little children look up at her in awe when ever she's reading a story or teaching math. Caitlin and I have known each other since 7th grade...when I bravely asked if I could sit at the lunch table with her. We were in Singing Sevies Choir together and we made sure we sat by each other every day...eyeing the boys across the risers, making each other laugh with our inside jokes. She still makes me laugh until my face turns red and my eyes are watering.

My twin sister and I became friends with Caitlin at the perfect time in our lives. Seventh grade was hard and I don't know how I would have made it through without her. She liked me for me and we didn't have to pretend to be someone we weren't when we were around each other. We could be our silly selves while having dance parties to Backstreet Boys and laugh until we couldn't breathe.

I think it's truly amazing that after 14 years we are still as close as ever. We have watched each other grow up, been there through heartache, during the best times, during uncertain times. I remember in college whenever I needed my best friend she would jump in her car and drive an hour to see me and tell me everything was going to be okay. She has reassured me time after time and we have supported each other in everything that we do.

I can't tell you how happy I am that we still get to see each other. I know someday we'll get to live in the same city...maybe eat at the same lunch table just like we did when we were twelve.

sunlit walk

2011-08-14T08:26:00.000-06:00

My older sister, Elizabeth, came over last night for a walk along the canal. It was the perfect summer evening when the sun is golden yellow and shining perfectly through the trees. It's so nice to spend some time alone with her...especially before her little boy makes his way into the world!

She has three more months left, which I'm sure will fly by. It still feels like yesterday when she shared her exiting news with me...here :) We talked about ideas for the nursery and when we think his birthday will be. I'm so excited to meet him (and maybe spoil him just a little...)

I can't wait to help show him all the enchanting things in this world, like sunlit trees and beautiful pictures of his mom, and to love him to pieces.

so long glorious naps...

2011-08-13T23:26:00.002-06:00

I'm going to miss my afternoon naps...and snuggling with my babies.

Kindergarten starts on Monday. The whole school is on Kindergarten alert :) and I'm definitely going to need a nap after school. The first day, the first few weeks are exhausting. My body has to readjust to standing on my feet all day, not eating when I want to, not taking a nap on a spontaneous whim. What wise guy took naps away from Kindergarten?

Naps are a necessity to life.

Balance

2011-08-11T21:01:00.002-06:00

Summer feels like it's slipping away fast, probably because I'm back into the swing of things at school and the glimmer of warm summer days spent by the pool are fading fast. Did I really spend two weeks in Florida? It feels like forever ago. Martin thought we still needed to enjoy a warm summer evening together so we jumped in the car and headed through Denver to find some ice cream.

We meandered down the highway into a very up and coming neighborhood where the restaurant lights were twinkling in the dusk as corporate workers laughed over a glasses of wine. I always wonder what it would be like to have a job in an office...in a skyscraper in the middle of a bustling city. I could wear a stylish suite with my beautiful heels as I walked along feeling very important. Teacher's aren't known for their stylish work attire and sometimes I look longingly at clothes that would make me feel and look more grown up. But Elmer's glue and sticky fingers don't mix well with Gucci and Prada. And sitting criss cross applesauce in a slim fitting pencil skirt would probably rip the seams...

Her shoes matched the pink clouds

We strolled along as we ate our gelato...mine was honey and Martin's was chocolate coffee toffee. I could feel the stresses of work slowly disappearing. It didn't feel like a school night and I liked that. Usually I come home from school and call it a night, but there are so many hours left in the day still...hours that can be filled with exploring and enjoying time with my husband in this big city.

We get so consumed by our daily lives...work mostly. I'm trying to hold onto the way I felt those last few weeks of summer vacation...I felt in control of my life, I felt calm. Nothing was to big to handle and the small stresses in life seemed pointless. The minute I walked into school I could feel the energy, the stress, the anxiety...deadlines, test scores, meetings. But it's okay. Work is work. While I'm there I'll work my very best helping to make my school a place that I can be proud of. But when I'm home, it needs to be about Martin and I...and our life. Maybe I'm finally understanding the balance I need.

I know summer is slowly fading. I can already feel the change in the morning air, a little cooler a little crisper...it smells like school. It always makes me a little sad, I wish I could hold onto it just a little longer. Just a few more nights of hand holding as we eat our ice cream, a few more days where the only relief from the heat is to jump into a freezing cold pool, just a few more nights of listening to the crickets latest orchestral arrangement as we fall asleep.

Soon enough it will be fall and with that comes some of my favorite things...especially this year when I'll become an auntie :) This year is about enjoying life...taking in the smallest of moments, taking advantage of the things around us. I'm working my hardest at learning how to do these things...and I know that a little balance in my life will make it that much easier.

An Ocean Engagement

2011-08-07T22:11:00.002-06:00

I was so excited to be able to take my twin sister's engagement photos while I was in Florida. We woke up early and drove to the beach just as the sun was rising. I think they turned out perfectly :)

ready or not here they come...

2011-08-05T20:06:00.003-06:00

This evening was Back to School Night. We put on a little presentation for some of our families and I got to see some of my students from last year who transformed into first graders over the summer. They walked the halls with their heads high and a new found confidence, after all they are now a year older and wiser and this is their school.

I met a few of my students...there were already some nervous tears and the token child who runs ramped around the room. I've been thinking about my new group of students and all they have to learn; how to sit criss cross applesauce, how to hold a pencil, how to stand in line, how to raise their hand to speak...I could go on all night.

My room is ready for new adventures, new learning and exploring, and new friends. A new year to start fresh, a year filled with endless possibilities.

Here's to a brand new sparkling school year and here's to the new class of 2024!

Healing

2011-08-03T21:46:00.005-06:00

It has been five months since I changed the way I eat. I can't say that everyday has been my best, but I'm proud of myself and I feel better...healthier. There are several reasons why I decided to start eating Paleo, but the biggest reason was for my future.

When I was in high school I was diagnosed with PCOS. My first fear was that I wouldn't be able to have children...I was only 16 and all I could think about was the word infertility. I thought about the fact that I now had an increased chance of getting adult-onset diabetes and that my teenage skin problems would probably continue if not worsen. My doctor immediately put me on a birth control pill, but that wouldn't cure me of my PCOS or any of my symptoms. And I was told that when I decided to have children they would start me off right away with fertility drugs. Never once did they say anything about finding a natural way to solve the diagnosis.

PCOS causes excess insulin in our bodies, along with an array of embarrassing and unwanted symptoms. But what if you took a natural approach to reducing the insulin? If you removed the foods that your body is fighting against? Ridding your body of simple sugars and gluten, and in my case dairy too. Replacing it with protein, nuts and non starchy vegetables. Realizing that what you put into your body is so important to your health and well being.

My body is healing itself.

I know that my insulin levels have stabilized because I can feel the change. I'm no longer shaky and lightheaded before I eat lunch or dinner. My skin is finally clear (which is amazing to me after having taken every pill and potion available with no permanent results). I have more energy. My migraines are far and few in between. My cycle is finally regular. My body composition has changed...for the better :)

I still struggle daily with food as I've had to begin to change 26 years of eating habits. Sometimes I honestly just want to eat a bag of Cheetos, but remembering why I've made these changes gets me through to another day. Soon it will become routine for me and I won't have to think about it.

I don't know what the future holds, but I hope that someday I won't have these uncertain thoughts of infertility floating through my mind. That I'll be able to join the motherhood club and that by going back to the way humans have been eating for thousands of years, I will help my body work the way it's supposed to.

and so it begins...

2011-08-01T15:55:00.000-06:00

Burning River

2011-07-30T08:44:00.001-06:00

Last year my dad ran the amazing Leadville 100. He had made it 60 miles when his legs couldn't take him any further. It's quite the story involving pitch black conditions, the middle of a mountain, and a rescue team. But that hasn't stopped him. He has been training for the past year for a new race, a new opportunity to prove to himself that he can make it the 100 miles.

He's in Ohio today running the Burning River 100 Mile Endurance Run. My Uncle is with him and I know that he can make it. Keep him in your thoughts and prayers today. It will be an incredibly challenging day, physically and mentally for him.

I'll keep you posted :)

*Post Edit: My dad missed the 74 mile time cut off by 10 minutes :(
A truly amazing accomplishment! We are all SO proud of you daddy!

home sweet colorado

2011-07-29T20:16:00.001-06:00

I'm home.

It's bittersweet.

I love coming home, I can't wait to see Martin after he gets home from work...seeing my sweet Wilson and Margo.

But I already miss my sister. It was hard to say goodbye.

My last few days were spent cramming in everything we could think of before I had to leave. I even got to work on a special little project with my future brother-in-law that I can't wait to share with you!

Now it's time to start wrapping my head around the fact that I report back to school on Tuesday. It's that time of year again...new ideas twirling around in my head. I'm excited for the school year and excited that my mind has had the rest it needed.

It's time to put away the tank tops and shorts and dust off my school clothes. Replace my flip flops with my trusty Danskos. But this year, I'm ready to take the me I rediscovered this summer with me. I feel refreshed...rejuvenated.

It's going to be a good year.

the everglades have scary bugs...

2011-07-27T13:58:00.000-06:00

I woke up too early yesterday, before the sun. My sister's drive to work takes an hour passed road signs that have the words alligator, panther, and snake in them.

We drove along canals filled with alligators until we came to the Big Cypress Seminole Reservation...smack dab in the middle of the Everglades. This is where my sister works as a Collection Manager. We kept driving through the reservation, passing homes and schools until we came to the Tribal Historic Preservation Office just a few steps from the thick, tropical, overgrown vegetation.

Every girl needs a necklace made from two different animal skulls and a good pair of snake boots.

My sister put me to work right away, she didn't care that it was my vacation :) I helped her organize her department's library and looked through books about Florida Indians and bones. She has created an amazing space...shelves full of artifacts that have been found on the reservation, each one telling a secret story.

We finished up our morning work and decided to have lunch under the chickee. It was hot and humid and we could hear large insects buzzing around the roof. We were even graced with the presence of a spider that would fair well in a horror movie.

{In front of the Ah-Tah-Thi-Ki Museum}

We explored a little around the mile long boardwalk that surrounds the area, but cut it short because of the thousands of dragonflies diving around our heads. Summer time brings out all the insects...my sister was longing for winter already.

We finished up our days work in the freezing cold vault just as the dark rain clouds were starting to hover over the glades. We could hear thunder rumbling in the distance as a strong breeze was welcomed, bending the palm trees and cooling off the muggy air, even if just for a few minutes. I loved spending the day with my sister...seeing what she gets to do everyday. She has an amazingly unique job of preserving the Seminole Tribe's history.

no shoes, no makeup, no worries

2011-07-25T17:19:00.000-06:00

Today I counted over fifteen lizards. I spent most of my day on the screened in porch, which doesn't do a very good job of keeping lizards out. It was just me and my thoughts. I've spent the last week with my true self, no makeup, no shoes, not caring what my clothes look like. It feels so liberating. I love feeling the cool tile on the bottoms of my feet and putting my hair up without even looking once in the mirror. I have no where to go and nothing urgent to do.

Every morning I wake up with the sun and head to the pool.

It's quiet.

It's warm.

I love tilting my head back in the water when all I can hear is the beating of my heart. I feel lonely for just a minute and then remember soon enough I'll be surrounded by people all day with a million things to do. I can't help but feel so small looking up at the sky...and my thoughts begin to wander.

Lately I've been thinking about me. I love the way I've felt this week...consuming my mind with more important things rather than concerns about what I see on the outside. I want to go back to the time in my life when I wasn't so concerned with these things...my hair, makeup and clothes. I remember the exact moment when all that changed for me. It was the time in my life when I was just learning who I really was. I wish I could go back and change that...tell myself that none of it matters.

For now though, I'm enjoying this side of myself...this old side of myself that I've missed. When you spend all day with yourself you forget how you're supposed to act and you start acting like who you are meant to be. It's funny when you don't have the daily distractions around you how much more right the world feels. This is how it should always feel.

I have three more days here. This time that I've had has been such a blessing...I know that not many people can just take off for two weeks to think and have a mental vacation. I feel like I've been able to reconnect with myself again...and I'm ready to keep hold of that for longer this time.

a little paradise up close

2011-07-22T20:11:00.000-06:00

Florida Postcard

2011-07-20T21:39:00.002-06:00

how do we celebrate two years?

2011-07-13T17:12:00.000-06:00

We headed to Boulder to experience dining at Frasca....one of the top restaurants on my husband's list of places to try. He'd been talking about it for months so it was due time that we went to eat there.

Martin expertly ordered the wine and I felt proud watching. The staff caught on quickly that he was in the industry and he and the waitress talked shop for a few minutes.

The restaurant was one of those beautiful places that after almost every sip of water someone is there filling up your cup. We enjoyed a true Italian feast...real Italian food that my grandparents would have been proud of.

I even ate things I wouldn't have tried before like beets, duck egg in my carbonara, and lamb. I didn't want to embarrass my husband and pick at my food...and surprisingly I really loved everything I ate. Imagine that :)

We watched a lightning show outside the restaurant window as we talked and laughed. We realized as the restaurant crowd was thinning that we had been there for almost three hours. It's so nice to enjoy an evening of just talking and no other distractions. I always feel reconnected with my husband. We drove home in the rain as the sky was illuminated from every direction from lightning that I thought should be on the cover of a National Geographic magazine.

It was the perfect way to celebrate two years.

Just the two of us.

Two Years

2011-07-12T05:00:00.024-06:00

Today is my two year wedding anniversary.

Where has the time gone?

Am I no longer a newlywed anymore?

These past two years have been an incredible journey. Sometimes I just stare at Martin and can't believe that he is my husband, that he chose me to be his wife...obviously not because of my cooking skills. My other qualities, like being a good kisser, must suffice.

We've learned that merging your life with someone isn't always easy...and then throw in a bad economy and you have your fair share of moments that you kind of want to forget. We've made sacrifices and compromises as we're learning how to create the life that we both want, while at the same time creating a life we can share together.

These last few years we've had to do a lot of growing up. It's about us now, just the two of us, and we're learning how to do grown-up things even when we don't feel like grown-ups. And occasionally we still have one of those evenings when you know a big talk is coming about where we want this life of ours to take us, when we'll be able to buy a house, or when we'll finally be able to start our family...but it always comes down to one thing. Even if we disagree, there is no one else in this world that we would rather be sharing our life with and making these big life decisions alongside.

Every morning I get to wake up next to my best friend and know that whatever life throws our way, we're never alone. We're in this together. And that is one of the most comforting feelings in the world.

It has been an incredible two years...an incredible decade of knowing Martin and the amazing man that he is.

I found my journal from high school and was reading through it the other day and on January 8th, 2003 I had written this:

"About a month ago I had such a strong thought come over me that Martin is the one I'm going to marry. I know, I know it sounds so crazy and weird, but who knows, instincts are funny sometimes..."

I am so glad my instincts were right.

Roar

2011-07-10T22:06:00.000-06:00

hello. i'm a lion.

Did I really say I was giving up my blow dryer and straightener? Oh yeah.

That was me.

4th of July Weekend in Pictures

2011-07-08T05:00:00.001-06:00

One of my favorite family traditions...pie on the 4th of July. My mom makes cherry and apple pie for everyone to enjoy during the fireworks. Even us Paleo eaters couldn't resist...

Look who was able to join us after all! My lovely husband :)

a new camera lens equals family photo shoots

2011-07-07T17:29:00.001-06:00

lucky them :)

The Best 4th of July I've Ever Known

2011-07-06T11:24:00.002-06:00

My 4th of July started out as I thought it would. I drove home Friday to spend some extra days with my parents and anticipated the arrival of my older sister, Elizabeth, and brother-in-law on Saturday. I had accepted the fact that it would just be the five of us...Martin was working and Kate and Bobby were of course in Florida probably watching the fireworks on the beach somewhere.

When my sister got home on Saturday evening it was just her, my brother-in-law had gotten called into work. Already our party was dwindling. We headed outside to sit on the patio to enjoy dinner. I said to my family, "It's just the original Redente's together again." Then I added sadly, "Well, minus Kate."

At that very moment, as if on cue, my sister walked out from around the house

She had been planning the surprise since March.

But the surprises weren't done for the evening.

We knew my older sister would be having her twenty-week ultrasound next week and we were all anxiously anticipating the news to see if she would be having a boy or a girl.

But she had had her appointment the day before and surprised us with the news!

I can't even describe how happy we all were that evening. We were all home together again.

The way it should be.

We went to bed that night excited, too excited to sleep.

Three sisters sleeping upstairs together like old times...and we kept thinking that the next time we're all together again there will be a little boy joining our family. He'll be one lucky little guy to have so many women around him.

I can't imagine my life without my family. They are my world. And they make me more happy than anything. It's going to be such a busy year...a little nephew, my twin sister's wedding.

Life is good.

Family Dinner

2011-07-01T10:00:00.001-06:00

Once a week we try to have dinner with my sister and brother-in-law. Some weeks my sister invites me over twice so I have someone to eat with and don't eat an entire bag of grapes for dinner.

She takes good care of me.

Last night it was our turn to host and of course Chef Martin prepared a fine feast.

Martin's been exploring our local Asian Market a lot lately. He works at one of Denver's finest Sushi restaurants and is learning quickly about true Japanese cuisine.

We almost always have something Italian with our dinner and last night Martin made us his own creation of 'deconstructed eggplant parmesan'

And no dinner is complete without a good swig of basil seed drink...tasted sort of like cream soda with fish eggs (those aren't really fish eggs, but they eerily resemble them)

It's so nice to have a family dinner, spending the evening laughing and catching up with everyone...trying new foods. I wonder what the Backos's are making for us next week? :)

i like you

2011-06-28T03:00:00.000-06:00

pardon me, I'm feeling mushy gushy towards my husband today :)

from I Like You by Sandol Stoddard Warburg

Home Away From Home

2011-06-27T13:09:00.000-06:00

This morning I said goodbye to my second home...my classroom.

I always start off with good intentions about putting everything away in its perfect place and by the end I am secretly stashing things away hoping I'll remember where I put it when I come back in August.

I usually don't remember.

But never the less, things are put away until the next little group of students comes. This will be my fifth year of teaching, which to me seems crazy. Where in the world did the time go? Next year will be good. I'll have my student teacher the first semester (which I'm really excited about)and it will be my third year in the same grade which I haven't experienced yet.

But I don't want to think about school right now. Right now I want to think about me time. I want to think about how I can make the most of this special time off.

I usually spend all summer thinking about the next year. But this summer I truly feel like I need a mental vacation. Don't worry, the moment I head back to school my thoughts will be filled with everything related to school...and it will continue that way until next May.

So as I turned off the lights, pulled the shades shut, and closed the door behind me, I left my school thoughts at school and walked into the bright sunshine of summer.

An Early Anniversary Gift

2011-06-25T05:00:00.000-06:00

I can't stop staring at our new painting. Do you like it?

The amazing Caitlin of Hue and Hum captured Martin and I perfectly! She is so talented.

I had Caitlin paint us for our two year anniversary, which is quickly approaching. I love that we have a one of a kind painting that no one else in the world will have.

And it's of us.

In love.

Schools Out For The Summer...for reals this time

2011-06-24T13:33:00.003-06:00

At 11:00 I said so long to my kindergarten friends.

It's been a good five weeks, but I'm thrilled to be done.

(my teammate, Jill, and I with our little Kinder class)

It really was amazing to work with such a small number of students...can you imagine if REAL school was like this? Oh the possibilities.

Now my summer vacation can start and just in time too because the weather is screaming summer vacation outside. Nice and hot. So if you'll excuse me, the pool and I have a very important date.

26 Days

2011-06-23T05:00:00.001-06:00

I just booked my plane ticket....

I will be here

in 26 days :)

I'm so happy I could burst!

Two glorious weeks of pure paradise and being with my twin sister...I think I can make it through these last two days of summer school no problem.

I can smell the salty air now...

I'd Love to Kiss You, But I Just Washed My Hair

2011-06-22T05:00:00.009-06:00

I was watching a movie on the turner classic movie channel the other day and the young man moved in close to the girl he couldn't have but needed so badly and said, "You smell so good."

She replied with, "I washed my hair for ya Johnny."

Since the day our hair started to have a little unruly wave in junior high my twin sister and I have been blow drying and straightening our hair. And with one drop of rain all the effort would be thrown out the window and we would be wildly rummaging through our backpacks for any sort of object that could be used as a hair tie. My older sister however, got more curly haired genes than us and sports perfect ringlets...something I've always had a hard time accepting as fair.

For as long as I've known my husband, he has begged me to let my hair be in its natural state. He thinks my hair looks best when it dries naturally and wonders why I need to 'get ready'. I look at him like he's from Mars, ignore him, and run into the bathroom to begin my daily routine.

I've never been happy with my hair. I don't know why. I have hair and that in itself should be everything I need. I go through the vicious cycle of growing it out, getting frustrated, cutting it off, getting frustrated, growing it out...and it never ends.

When will it end?

It's time for me to wear my hair the way nature intended. I'm a curly haired girl and I need to accept that. I should be proud of my hair and it's connection to my Italian roots. It's time to put away my blowdryer and my straightener. It's time to fall in love with the hair I was given. My parents will now be the proud guardians of three curly haired children.

My hair feels happier already...and so do I.

Summer

2011-06-21T05:00:00.005-06:00

To say that I love summer is an understatement. Do you ever feel like there is a season that defines you? That makes you feel the most like you? Summer makes me feel so nostalgic for my childhood. Days that were filled with beauty in the most simple things. Days that started early with the rising sun. When I walk to my car in the morning on my way to work, I can smell summer and I can hear it in the distance as the sprinklers swish back and forth. It takes me back to the short walk to the swimming pool to start morning swim team practice...where no one wanted to be the first one into the icy water. I can remember playing in our neighborhood ditch creating our dream home among the roots and mud of the big willow tree. We would run for hours in the green belt and when we finally tired we would just lie there. Simply lie there and look at the bright blue sky, feel the sun on our tanned skin, feel the grass tickle our bare toes. And when the sun began to set and create a golden glow across the pavement we knew it was time to head home.

Summer undoubtedly looks different when you're older. But the essence of summer is the same...it's the same summer that was with me when I was younger. The same green grass, the same golden sun, the same warm nights, the same tanned arms.

But maybe summer is a little sweeter now that I get to spend it with my love

We can spend all morning in bed listening to the outside world that has been up for hours

We can stay up late watching summer reruns and go to bed when we want to

We can drink wine while we listen to thunderstorms outside our window

But sometimes I secretly want to trade all of my grownup advantages to still be able to run wild through the tunnel the great lilac bush made in our backyard, breathing in the sweet purple flowers. Being immersed in our imaginary world for hours...not having a care in the world.

To My Daddy

2011-06-19T20:22:00.000-06:00

Daddy,
It's hard sometimes to find the right words to express how much you mean to me. You have been one of the greatest role models and mentors for my life. The things you have taught me have made me who I am today and I like to think that I have some of the same great qualities that you have. Growing up, I watched how incredibly hard you worked for our family...you guided us, showed us what a family was, and instilled wonderful values in our lives. I know I've gotten where I am in my life because of you. You have never denied me help and have always given me everything I've needed and for that alone I am eternally grateful. I hope you know how proud your family is of you and all of your accomplishments. You have made such an impact on so many lives around the world...but most importantly on your three daughters. I love you so much. Thank you for being my daddy.

Love,
Jessica

A Very Special Wedding (Part 2)

2011-06-18T22:54:00.003-06:00

Yesterday after summer school I jetted south to start the wedding festivities. My friend Jamie (the bride-to-be) and I spent the night girl talking and watching Say Yes to the Dress. We called it a night pretty early. After all, the next day was a very important one and we needed our beauty sleep.

Don't you just love weddings? They are so romantic. If you're married, they remind you of your own wedding and the vows you made to your husband. They remind you how lucky you are to be with them and how amazing it is that you get to spend the rest of your life together. I wish Martin had been able to join me this weekend, but work took precedence. I had a good replacement date though...I got to spend the evening with my older sister.

We made wishes to our butterflies so they would carry them up to the heavens

We ate way too much while watching the DJ rock to the music in his own little world

I felt so honored to be a part of the big day so I made sure I had practiced my reading extensively. Jamie wasn't too fond of my idea to use an accent while reading in front of her guests...too bad because my British accent isn't too shabby if I do say so myself.

It was a beautiful day and a beautiful wedding. The mountain location was so serene. The perfect place to exchange vows. Jamie and her new husband Mike are so incredibly happy. When we were lounging around watching T.V. last night I couldn't help but notice what an amazing relationship they have...the way they talk to each other will make your heart melt. They are so very lucky to have each other.

A Very Special Wedding

2011-06-16T21:39:00.001-06:00

Tomorrow I head off to start the wedding festivities of my very good friend and old college roommate!

I can not wait to see her exchange her vows with her best friend and love of her life.

This evening I was practicing my reading for the ceremony.

Martin was trying to be helpful by making it feel like I was presenting in front of a real live crowd...crying babies, people playing with their cats, booing. I told him people don't boo at weddings...or bring cats.

At least I'm prepared for anything now.

Now I just need to decide which pair of shoes to wear with my new polka dot dress...

The Sewing Room

2011-06-14T05:00:00.006-06:00

When I ventured home last weekend I started to think about how we feel when we go home to visit our families. I love going home...as many of you know, and I realized that there has always been one room in my parent's home that has made me feel the safest, the most comforted. In our old house you would have had to walk down the basement stairs covered in orange carpet, passed our elementary school art work hung on the walls, passed the litter box, passed the hallway leading to the storage room filled with shelves and shelves of canned goods, to the room on the left. This was my mom's sewing room.

When we were little, the first place I always looked for my mom was in her sewing room. We would come inside from a day of playing at the pool or just home from school and I would hear the sewing machine humming. I would run down the stairs feeling the shaggy carpet between my toes and I couldn't wait to tell her the great things that had happened to me that day, find out what was for dinner, or tattle on my sister because she had made me cry.

I remember sitting in the sewing room with my mom while she took little pieces of fabric and turned them into the most beautiful quilts. My sister and I would pretend we worked in a fabric store just like our mom and loved sorting through the stacks of fabric arranged by color. We would pick through her wooden container holding thousands of buttons, choosing the shiniest most prettiest one we could find...and probably sticking it in our pocket to keep forever. We would sit under her antique sewing table with the old fashioned foot pedal. We would pump the pedal up and down while my mom sewed above us. She probably didn't get much work done with two little girls always at her feet. But we stayed entertained for hours.

I wonder what that room turned into when my parents moved out of our childhood home? Maybe it's a game room or a guest room now...the new owners wouldn't understand the importance of that little basement room. How three daughters learned to sew by watching and mimicking, how we learned how amazingly talented our mom is and how special it was to be able to sleep each night beneath her different creations. I had never slept under a comforter or bed spread until I went off to college, it was cool to have new bedding that defined who you were :) But I often found myself stuffing my bed spread under my bed and using one of the quilts my mom had sent with me instead. Even now with our fancy comforter we registered for when we got married, I sometimes shove it into our tiny closet and pull out one of the many colorful quilts I have. That's one of the greatest things about having a mom as a quilter, almost every time I go home I'm sent back with a beautiful hand sewn quilt.

Christmas 2004

Martin was given his first Redente family quilt...along with a list of approved activities his quilt could partake in

In my parents new home my mom was able to upgrade from the basement to a sunny room upstairs that has a beautiful view of the lake. It still feels like the most comforting room in the house. It is filled with all the things my mom loves and when I come home for a weekend to visit I still love hearing the sound of the sewing machine humming away. I run upstairs to find my mom. This time I'm older though, and instead of tattling on my sisters (well sometimes :) we talk about grownup things like work and marriage. Sometimes though, I love just standing in her sewing room watching her work...wondering how she knows which piece gets sewn to which, how she is so good at reading a ruler (I may or may not still know what all those little lines mean...)and how she decides between all the million different combinations of patterns and colors to use.

One of the greatest gifts I ever received was the day before my wedding. My mother-in-law and my mom had worked together for almost a year to create a quilt for Martin and I that showed where we had gotten engaged. It is so beautiful, something I will cherish forever. And knowing that each block, each stitch was carefully made for us makes it one of the most special things I own.

My mom has made hundreds of quilts...each one unique, each one telling it's own story. These quilts will stay in our family forever.

Now my mom is just waiting for a new generation to make beautiful quilts for...I know our future children will always be warm and snuggly in handmade quilts and will be able to feel the love stitched into each one, just like I was.

Two Souls, One Heart

2011-06-12T05:00:00.001-06:00

Have you ever felt so happy you literally think your heart is going to burst? That's how I've been feeling for the past week.

My twin sister is engaged to wonderful Bobby.

Our family is thrilled!

The night of their engagement I got a call very late. It was Bobby.

"Hello?"

"Jess?"

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I was just wondering if you would mind having another brother-in-law?"

As my eyes filled with happy tears I told my future brother-in-law that I couldn't ask for a better addition to our family. I could hear my sister laughing in the background.

She is so happy.

They are thinking next Spring, an intimate affair on the beach.

It's going to be lovely and perfect.

Summer Salad and Thank You Readers

2011-06-11T21:25:00.001-06:00

First and most importantly, thank you everyone for your kind words yesterday. It means the world to me. I still can't believe that so many of you want to read what I have to say and I really am honored-- please say hi, even if you follow quietly along I would love to hear from you...you can tell me your favorite color or favorite Cher song (come on now, we all have a favorite) Thank you truly for reading along with me.

-----
And now for a tasty summer treat.

This is probably not a salad you should eat on a first date...poppy seeds, sesame seeds and strawberries don't tend to look that great stuck between your teeth when you're trying to make a good first impression. But for every other day, especially a warm sunny summer day, this is the perfect salad.

{My salad doesn't have spinach in it because my husband who we will now refer to as Pop Eye ate a 100 pound Costco sized container of it before I could take my pictures}

Brave Face

2011-06-10T16:34:00.000-06:00

I didn't think I would document this past week...but this is the place where I document my life and if for no one else but myself, I want to be able to look back and see that I was brave...even if it was for a moment.

This week has been an emotional roller coaster...not necessarily a bad scary roller coaster, but a roller coaster non the less. A friend of mine told me last week about a kindergarten job opening at her school and I was immediately hooked! The thought of something new...different sounded exciting. It's not that I don't love my school because I do. But, I needed to decide quickly, like 24 hours quickly, and so I did. I decided to be brave, to apply and just see what would happen. I was so glad to be home last weekend, my dad helped me write my resume, my mom gave me the pep talks I needed.

On Monday I got the call I was hoping for. I had gotten an interview, out of almost 100 applicants they wanted to talk to me, plus my friend is a good persuader :)

The day leading up to my interview was filled with every single emotion. I went back and forth a million times on whether or not this was a good idea. I cried, I was excited, I was scared...would I be throwing away everything I've worked for at my school? All the opportunities I've been given? If I didn't try would I always wonder what if?

But I knew in my heart I at least needed to try. I truly believe that things that are meant to be will be. If I didn't get the job, then that was okay. If it was right for right now then that's what would happen, and I would be okay with either outcome.

In the end the job went to someone else. I have my brave face on and can tell you that it's okay.

It wasn't meant to be.

If you've been reading along with me for a while you know that I've struggled with trying to figure out where I'm supposed to be...trying to understand why I'm where I am. I thought for a moment that maybe the universe was telling me where I needed to go next. Or maybe it's telling me that where I am now is where I'm supposed to be and I need to accept that.

Maybe I'm meant to be a big city girl after all...maybe wanting to live or work somewhere that reminds me of home isn't what I'm supposed to do.

Maybe I'm supposed to keep being brave and pushing myself out of my comfort zone. But I don't like doing that all the time, because it's hard. I'm still learning so much about who I am and what I'm capable of. Last year I would never have been able to try something so brave.

I'm glad I tried. I'm glad I was brave. I don't regret it for a moment.

Perfection

2011-06-07T21:13:00.000-06:00

Tonight was date night.

We were celebrating lots of things tonight...

Martin's new job, which we are so thankful for, my twin sister's engagement! (more on that later), and just the fact that we could be together tonight.

Plus I had a new dress I needed to wear out on the town :)

We dined down town amongst the wealthy corporate workers of Denver. They were all in their suits and ties, driving their Ferraris and BMWs.

We ate mint leaves covered in sugar and enjoyed fresh goat cheese for dessert.

It finally feels like summer here in Colorado. There's something about green grass, the setting sun, being with the love of your life to make everything feel perfect.

Working Hard is Hard Work

2011-06-05T21:24:00.000-06:00

{this little friend was working hard at eating my mom's flowers until he met the bottom of my dad's shoe...}

Poor Martin has worked the past seven days in a row. 12 hour shifts at the restaurant, he's exhausted and I haven't really seen him since Wednesday. Well, except when he's sleeping. But having a conversation with a sleeping Martin isn't as fun as having a conversation with an awake Martin.

Me: Martin? Martin? Martin? {poke...pokepokepokepokepoke}

Martin: hmph

Me: Hey...I have to leave for work, but I was wondering if you could...

This is when Martin usually pulls all the covers and the pillow over his head. I then find one of the cats and plop them down on his head to see if that will wake him up...but no such luck.

Welcome to the life of a chef...I was warned well in advance, but somehow that doesn't make it any easier.

I miss him. I miss having more than a five minute conversation over the phone. This weekend was full of decisions where I needed his help or at least his opinion...I was a single wife and it was hard.

We'll get into the routine of things, I know we will. We'll make time for each other during those moments when we're both home. We won't take for granted the time we do get to see each other...awake.

Someday...

2011-06-01T18:59:00.002-06:00

I'll make a good mom
My little future 'me' can watch me cook while we sing songs and laugh...

maybe I need a little more practice...and a child with better listening skills and less hair.

Guest Post

2011-06-01T13:28:00.000-06:00

I'm guest posting here today!

Stop by and say Hi! to Alana...she's getting married in 16 days :)

road trip down memory lane

2011-05-30T21:05:00.005-06:00

Martin and I spent the day driving down county roads looking for the perfect place for pictures. We ended up in our old stomping grounds of Greeley. It was a beautiful day until the wind picked up and the tornado warning came over the radio. We made it to one of our old favorite restaurants and ran to the door just as the hail began to fall...

We found our old neighborhoods. We drove down the street that Martin walked a million times between his place and mine. We saw the music building where we spent so much of our freshman year together. Martin had been a music major and I loved playing on the grand pianos in the practice rooms while he practiced his violin diligently...unless I distracted him too much :)

I saw the dining hall where I had worked and the dorms where we lived. I hadn't been to campus since Martin had graduated. It was good to be back. It's like seeing an old friend again.

So many important moments happened to me on that very campus...it's where Martin first told me he loved me.

I love seeing how far we've come from that first day of college eight years ago.

We began driving away from the black tornado clouds and back home to the big city. The smell of cows became less and less the further south we drove and the sky became more blue.

It's nice to have a day to escape for a while. Tomorrow I'll go back to teaching my tiny group of Kindergarteners and Martin will start a very important day of cooking.

Watermelon Strawberry Goodness

2011-05-29T10:46:00.000-06:00

I am in love with smoothies.

They are one of my favorite things to drink during the summer...well any time during the year really :)

We don't drink them very often because of all the sugar, but every once in a while I can't help myself.
I came across this really simple smoothie recipe from Bon Appetite.

You are required to drink this smoothie while sitting by the pool sunbathing.