You and I

Today is full of laundry, vacuuming, cleaning, and taking care of my sick little one. Another cold...not the first and definitely not the last this season.  She's extra clingy today, of course when I have a million things to do. 

These past few weeks have been good, but there have been moments where that drowning feeling sneaks up on me and I almost become frozen.  When I have a list two pages long of things not only to do for work, but at home too, I sometimes end up not doing any of it. It's funny how that works. And then of course I become more overwhelmed. 

Oddly enough I didn't feel this crazy when I switched districts, schools, and grade levels last year. Maybe it's because going from Kinder to First isn't as big of an adjustment. Maybe I was still in shock of realizing we finally got to move home. I try to get to school by 7:15 and I usually work until 5:30.  I've spent almost every weekend working in my classroom taking Everdeen with me. She's a superstar and usually doesn't have any trouble staying occupied. She likes rearranging the insides of kid's desks the best...moving this kid's eraser into this kid's desk and adding books from my library into another desk.  It's always funny on Monday morning when the kids walk in looking confused...why are there six copies of Charlotte's Web in my desk? haha

And just when I think I have things under control for school I realize I haven't cleaned the bathtub in two weeks or I forgot to buy diapers for Everdeen's daycare and they've sent a note home three times.  

When I'm teaching it's where I want to be.  I love my job and I strive everyday to be better, to make my classroom somewhere where my students want to be. A place where we laugh and become a family. But lately I've felt that pressure in my chest right before a huge ugly cry. Pardon moi, but how the hell am I supposed to do all of this!

I know there's no simple answer and I know it's about finding a balance...but that is so much easier said than done. I know it's about being grateful that I have these problems and that these problems really aren't the end of the world.  Even when they feel like it. 

...just writing out my thoughts helps take the pressure off a little bit. I think I can now go tackle the laundry before I take a much deserved nap.